had checked with Harvard after my meeting with Borman. In a million years it had never occurred to me that the math test thing would cost me my scholarship. If it wasnât a deal-breaker for Harvard, why should the McAllister people care?
A feeling of cold panic descended on me as I realized that a no on the scholarship was a no on Harvard, too. Sure, I had college savings, but that would never cover more than a state school. Dad owned a small-town hardware store; Mom picked up a few extra bucks as the dispatcher for substitute teachers in our area. My first yearâs tab for tuition and housing was more than forty thousand dollars ! For me to come up with that kind of money now would take a much larger ethics violation than the one Iâd allegedly committed with Owen Stevenson. I would have to hold up an armored car on its way to Fort Knox!
I was screwed.
My parents took it worse than I did.
âIf only weâd known , Leo!â Dad lamented. âWe could have found that money somewhere!â
âCome on, Dad. Forty grand? That was always the dealâno scholarship, no Harvard. Thatâs why I applied to state schoolsâin case the McAllister didnât pan out.â
âBut we told the state schools to forget it!â Mom interjected desperately. âItâs too late for that now!â
Dad cut right to the heart of the matter. âBut how can they accuse you of cheating? Did you cheat?â
âOf course not!â I exploded. âI was tutoring a guy in algebra, and I said one word to him in the exam. One word! It wasnât a question or an answer.â
âBut why did you say any word?â my mother persisted.
âMr. Borman was gunning for Owen Stevenson,â I explained. âIf Iâd served the kid up on a silver platter, nothing would have happened to me.â
âOwen Stevenson?â my mother repeated shrilly. âYou canât stand Owen Stevenson!â
âBormanâs worse. He was looking for an excuse to kick Owen out of school, and I sure wasnât going to do his dirty work for him.â
They supported me. Mom got on the phone to Mr. Borman, and Dad took on the McAllister Foundation. Then they switched. They fought hard for me, their strident, outraged voices ringing through the house.
In the end, it was all settled. The powers that be were going to take away my scholarship, and I was going to let them. Thereâs no mercy in academia.
Screwed.
Thinking back on it, I probably should have gone to the newspapers to expose Borman for the tin-plated dictator that he was. But that wouldnât have gotten me my scholarship back. Technically, I was in the wrong here. Talking during an exam counts as cheating. Itâs like speedingâeverybody does it, but if youâre the guy they catch, youâre done.
Dad was practically suicidal. âThis is my fault. If I had stayed on Wall Street that tuition bill would be a drop in the bucket right now.â
âErik, thatâs crazy talk,â my mother soothed. âWho could blame you after what happened to Dan Rapaport?â
âThere were a lot of other guys on that commuter platform, and none of them quit their jobs. None of them put themselves ahead of their families.â
âYou did that for your family, remember?â she argued. âSo youâd always be there for us.â
It tore me up to see him blaming himself for this. I also saw a connection with that day on the railway platform, but my take was different. Ever since then, Iâd been unable to say no to Melinda. If Iâd had the spleen to tell her to stuff it when sheâd asked me to tutor Owen, none of this would be happening right now.
If only life came with a rewind/erase button.
âOh, Leo!â Mom was distraught. âI know defending Owen was the right thing to do. But, oh honey, how could you?â
It came back to me as clear as Caribbean waterâthe feeling
Jean-Marie Blas de Robles