Born in Exile

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Book: Read Born in Exile for Free Online
Authors: George Gissing
Tags: Fiction, General
grasp the arguments at issue, his prejudices
were strongly excited by the conventional Theism which pervades
Figuier's work. Already it was the habit of his mind to associate
popular dogma with intellectual shallowness; herein, as at every
other point which fell within his scope, he had begun to scorn
average people, and to pride himself intensely on views which he
found generally condemned. Day by day he grew into a clearer
understanding of the memories bequeathed to him by his father; he
began to interpret remarks, details of behaviour, instances of
wrath, which, though they had stamped themselves on his
recollection, conveyed at the time no precise significance. The
issue was that he hardened himself against the influence of his
mother and his aunt, regarding them as in league against the free
progress of his education.
    As women, again, he despised these relatives. It is almost
impossible for a bright-witted lad born in the lower middle class
to escape this stage of development. The brutally healthy boy
contemns the female sex because he sees it incapable of his own
athletic sports, but Godwin was one of those upon whose awaking
intellect is forced a perception of the brain-defect so general in
women when they are taught few of life's graces and none of its
serious concerns,—their paltry prepossessions, their vulgar
sequaciousness, their invincible ignorance, their absorption in a
petty self. And especially is this phase of thought to be expected
in a boy whose heart blindly nourishes the seeds of poetical
passion. It was Godwin's sincere belief that he held girls, as
girls, in abhorrence. This meant that he dreaded their personal
criticism, and that the spectacle of female beauty sometimes
overcame him with a despair which he could not analyse. Matrons and
elderly unmarried women were truly the objects of his disdain; in
them he saw nothing but their shortcomings. Towards his mother he
was conscious of no tenderness; of as little towards his sister,
who often censured him with trenchant tongue; as for his aunt,
whose admiration of him was modified by reticences, he could never
be at ease in her company, so strong a dislike had he for her look,
her voice, her ways of speech.
    He would soon be fifteen years old. Mrs. Peak was growing
anxious, for she could no longer consent to draw upon her sister
for a portion of the school fees, and no pertinent suggestion for
the lad's future was made by any of the people who admired his
cleverness. Miss Cadman still clung in a fitful way to the idea of
making her nephew a cleric; she had often talked it over with the
Misses Lumb, who of course held that 'any sacrifice' was
justifiable with such a motive, and who suggested a hope that, by
the instrumentality of Lady Whitelaw, a curacy might easily be
obtained as soon as Godwin was old enough. But several years must
pass before that Levitical stage could be reached; and then, after
all, perhaps the younger boy, Oliver, placid of temper and notably
pliant in mind, was better suited for the dignity of Orders. It was
lamentable that Godwin should have become so intimate with that
earth-burrowing Mr. Gunnery, who certainly never attended either
church or chapel, and who seemed to have imbued his pupil with
immoral theories concerning the date of creation. Godwin held more
decidedly aloof from his aunt, and had been heard by Charlotte to
speak very disrespectfully of the Misses Lumb. In short, there was
no choice but to discover an opening for him in some secular
pursuit. Could he, perhaps, become an assistant teacher? Or must he
'go into an office'?
    No common lad. A youth whose brain glowed like a furnace, whose
heart throbbed with tumult of high ambitions, of inchoate desires;
endowed with knowledge altogether exceptional for his years; a
nature essentially militant, displaying itself in innumerable forms
of callow intolerance—apt, assuredly, for some vigorous part in
life, but as likely as not to rush headlong on traverse roads if

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