cigarette and lit it. When he offered her one, she said, âNo, thank you.â
âI donât suppose that would work with Sister Simone, would it?â
LuAnn was smiling. âIt wouldnât work with me. It wouldnât work with who I am. It would only work with the old me.â
âThe old you?â
âBefore I was saved. Before I turned my life over to the Lord. I used to smoke those things.â
âYou used to smoke and you used to be a cheerleader.â
Her face was propped on her forearms, which were propped on the lower railing of the bridge. He liked her face at this three-quarter angle. She said, âI used to be a lot of things. Mostly, I was willful.â
T.J. took a drag before he asked, âWhatâs that supposed to mean, willful? â
âIt means I wanted my own way. I had to be a cheerleader with a spiral perm. I smoked cigarettes and drank beer. I did some marijuana at parties. I skipped a lot of school, so my grades were low.â
âWhat school do you go to?â
âPeoria Roosevelt. Iâll be a senior next year.â
âYeah, me too. At Burton. So what happened to the cheerleading?â
âI was kicked off the squad.â
âThatâs too bad,â said T.J.
âNot really,â LuAnn explained. âI think itâs what I wanted. I wanted my parents to suffer. I thought all the bad things I was doing would punish them. It was so stupid how I was willing to mess up my own life just to pay them back for something I couldnât even name. Thatâs what I mean by willful.â
T.J., who was habitually guarded with the private aspects of his own life, wondered why LuAnn would be so open with all this negative personal history. âDo you always just blurt out the personal stuff?â he asked.
âI do now.â
âWhy?â
âBecause telling other people Iâm a sinner reminds me of the fact.â
âYou want to be reminded youâre a sinner, is that it?â T.J. had no idea why he was even extending this conversation. He threw the spent Marlboro down the gorge.
âIf you know youâre a sinner,â declared LuAnn, âit reminds you that you can be redeemed.â
âSo if youâre bad, thatâs good.â
She lifted her head to say, âIf you acknowledge your sins and confess them, then Godâs grace can save you. If you donât understand your own sinful nature, then you canât understand the path to redemption.â
âSo you canât be saved if you donât admit you need it.â
âExactly.â LuAnn smiled wider.
âHave you ever read 1984? â T.J. asked her.
âIâm not sure,â she replied. âWhy?â
âOh, you know, war is peace. Freedom is slavery.â
âThat sounds weird, for sure. Is it a good book?â
Now she sounded a little bit like Tyron, but it didnât matter. Looking straight into her face, he wondered what he ought to say next. About all he could want from this girl was a good lay, but what heâd most likely get would be a session of scripture reading.
âI asked you, is it a good book?â
âYeah,â answered T.J., with no thought about books. âLots of people think so.â
âAre you a Christian, T.J.?â was her next question.
âNo, no, nothinâ like that,â was his quick reply.
âBecause our meetings are open. Iâm sure Sister Simone would be glad to have you, or any of your friends.â
âDo you think I need to be converted, is that it?â
âWho said anything about that? I just want you to know youâre invited.â
âYeah, well, thanks but no thanks.â
On Wednesday morning, Tyron told T.J. he was considering Notre Dame.
âWhy is that?â
âIshmael says I should think about it.â
âIshmael can go anywhere he wants,â said T.J. while toweling his sweat and