to Oma. She agreed. It was
time. The doctor
made her some warm milk and—”
“You poisoned her? Are you serious? You
murdered grannie?
What’s wrong with you people?”
“It was the kindest way, you must understand.
In Silesia, my
aunt stayed behind with her children. She had too many nice
things, and she
said she wasn’t going to let the dirty Russians have them. But
when they came—”
“And your pops was reading scriptures like it
was a proper
Christian burial. What would the priest say about that? Isn’t
murder—suicide,
whatever—against the church?”
She fell silent.
Cal thought about the daisies on the
nightstand, and
imagined someone taking the care to cut them, and place them
just so in a vase. Look at these, Grandma, while you drink your milk. There,
doesn’t that feel
better? Get some rest, now.
He felt on the verge of hysteria. It was like
he’d fallen
into a nest of poisonous snakes, and they were all biting him,
their venom
burning through his veins, but he couldn’t so much as climb out
of the blasted
pit. Dammit, he couldn’t take any more of this.
“You’re all out of your minds,” he said.
“That’s it, I’m
gone. Owf feeterzayn, or however you say it. Give the Führer a
goodnight kiss
for me, will you?” He snatched up the Russian rifle and turned
to go.
They surrounded him, grabbed at his sleeve
and wrist.
“ Nein, nein, ” Helgard pleaded.
“ Helfen
Sie uns,
bitte ,” Hans-Peter said.
“Cal, please, I beg you,” Greta said. “Two
brothers are
dead, my other brother missing. My aunt murdered by Russians,
and with her
children. My other grandparents vanished after the Hamburg
bombing. If you
leave us, the same thing will happen to us. Please, try to
understand. We are
desperate. Do you know what that means?”
Two days earlier he would have said yes, of
course he knew
about desperation. Now, he was not so sure.
It wasn’t like he’d skated through life; the
Jameson family
had fallen on hard times in the Great Depression. In 1930, after
his father
lost his job as an accountant, he’d pitched around for
work—somewhere,
anywhere. In late December, with four mouths to feed, Father
grasped at a
letter from a cousin working the rail yards in Carbon, Utah, who
promised him a
job shoveling coal. Six months earlier, Papa might have scoffed
at such a
low-paying, backbreaking job, but hunger had a way of clarifying
one’s
priorities. They scraped together their last few dollars, bought
train tickets
for Utah, and carried with them only two steamer trunks of
clothing and
possessions.
Except when they arrived, the job was gone
and half the
other jobs in Utah coal country as well, throwing hundreds of
men into the soup
kitchen lines. Papa’s cousin himself had lost his job, but being
single, he
took the hobo route to return east and move back in with his
parents. The
Jamesons, on the other hand, had no money; they were stuck in
the dry hills of
Utah coal country, where the only work was the railroad or the
mines, and
neither was hiring.
One of Cal’s sharpest memories was a scrawny
kid in
elementary school showing him that if you tied a rock to the
inside of your
belt and cinched it up real tight you wouldn’t feel so hungry.
It helped pass
the morning until the free food the churches handed out at
lunch—a cup of
chicken broth from the Greek Orthodox and a peanut butter
sandwich from the
Mormons.
There were a lot of rocks under belts that
year. And the
next.
But that was what, a dozen years ago?
Eventually the mines
started hiring again and Papa got a job, first underground,
where he’d emerge
with a face like a minstrel in blackface, and then above ground
tallying
shipping tonnages. They were poor, but fed. Every other trouble
in Cal’s life
since then amounted to a minor annoyance