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said, that’s bullshit,” she repeated. “Howard would never cut himself. Not in a million years. He was terrified of blood. Blood made him pass out. Howard liked pills. He would never slit his wrist.”
    “Ah” Dr. Stark’s voice strengthened. “Well, I’m sorry to say it, Lily, but he did. He most unquestionably did. I saw him myself.”
    Then someone else killed him. She almost blurted it out, but stopped herself. Howard’s words echoed in her head.
    They’re listening, Lil. They’re always listening.
    The world retreated. She felt the jostle of people forcing their way past her on the stairs, but they seemed very far away, and the real Lily was deep within, locked in a place of breathless, gelid stillness.
    If I tell you, they’ll know. They’ll come for you. They’ll kill both of us.
    She clawed her way back. Forced lungs to breathe, legs to climb. She tried to tune in to what Stark was saying, but there was so much noise. Her ears buzzed. So loud. She stumbled out onto the sidewalk. Autopilot guided her toward Nina’s apartment.
    “Who was the last one to see him?” she blurted, cutting off the senseless babble from the phone.
    Stark made a huffy sound. He did not like to be interrupted. “As I said, the nurse on duty, Miriam Vargas, was the one who found him.”
    The cold inside her deepened, spread. “I want to talk to her,” Lily said. “Now. I’ll come right back up. I’ll take the next train.”
    “No,” Stark snapped. “You can’t speak to her now. She was shocked. She couldn’t stop crying. She’s been sedated.”
    “Oh, really? That poor, sweet baby. You’re breaking my heart.”
    Stark sucked in air audibly. “Ms. Parr,” he said, his voice tight and prissy with disapproval. “I know this is shocking news for you, and very painful. It’s impossible to accept all at once. You might need help processing it, and no one could blame you, believe me. If you like, I can give you the number of someone you can call—”
    “She’ll have stopped crying by tomorrow, right?” She couldn’t keep the edge out of her voice. “Will the drugs have worn off by then?”
    “Leave the interviews to the professionals.” Stark’s voice was crisp. “There will be a police investigation. The last thing Miriam needs is for distraught family members to descend upon her and—”
    “To be honest, Dr. Stark, I really don’t care what Miriam needs.”
    “It doesn’t sound like you cared what Howard needed, either!”
    Lily stopped dead, jaw sagging. “Excuse me?” she said. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
    “Ms. Vargas gave me a full report of what transpired between you and she and Howard this afternoon, Ms. Parr—”
    “Well, then, she lied!” This conversation was a lost cause, but so was her self-control. “She was the one who agitated him, not me! And Howard would never have cut himself!”
    “Ms. Parr?”
    The new voice called to her, from outside the babble of the doctor’s scolding voice coming through her cell. Lily looked around to see where it was coming from.
    A man in a gray hoodie, standing above her on Nina’s stoop. Young, dark-haired, good-looking. Smiling a blank sort of smile. He was familiar. The kind of familiar when you don’t really know a person, but you see him regularly, like the guy who sold her bananas from the fruit cart on the corner. She knew him, but from where . . .?
    It exploded in her mind, jolting alarm through her rattled system. The cab driver from the Shaversham Point train station. What in the hell was he . . . oh. Oh, God. Oh, shit.
    And this was Nina’s apartment. Not even her own place. So how did they . . . how could they . . . her mind couldn’t even embrace it.
    How had he known where she was?
    She looked at the cell phone in her hand, heard the tinny warbling still coming from it. Dr. Stark was continuing his rant, but she no longer heard him. She had bigger problems now. Much bigger.
    Her heart thudded. Her eyes locked