Read Bleeding Out for Free Online Page B

doing
.
    Back then,
she says,
I thought I knew everything, too.
    “I asked her who he was. I asked her how it happened.”
    “And what did she say?”
    I look into his golden eyes. “She said he grabbed her on the street. Nobody else was there. She fought back, but he was too strong. He left her in a parking lot. That’s where Kevin found her, bleeding, semiconscious. He took her to the hospital. Nine months later, I was born.”
    “She told you that exactly?”
    “She told me everything but which parking lot it was. I’ve always wanted to know. It’s perverse, but still—I can’t help being curious.”
    “Why do you think your mother would construct such an elaborate lie about something so terrible?”
    “I don’t think she would. That’s why I’m confused.”
    “So Arcadia must be lying.”
    “She said she was giving me nightmares so that I’d hate my father as much as she did. But the nightmares didn’t start until after my mother told me. So I already hated him. It seems like overkill.”
    “Have you and your mother talked about this recently?”
    “It’s not exactly her favorite topic.”
    “Did you ever talk about it after that initial conversation?”
    “Once or twice, maybe. But there isn’t much to analyze. She always said I was the miracle that came out of it. She’d rather focus on the good.”
    “Tess—” His voice changes. He glances down at my file. “There’s something I have to tell you. I don’t know if it’s necessarily the right thing to do, but I feel like you deserve to know this.”
    “Is my medical insurance about to run out? Derrick’s is pretty good, but it won’t cover everything. If Mia needs braces—”
    “It’s not that.”
    “What is it, then?”
    He hesitates again. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Dr. Hinzelmann hesitate over anything before today, and now he’s done it twice in as many minutes. The cold spreads to all of my extremities. I want to close my eyes, but I don’t. I look at him.
    “The CORE has access to your medical records, as well as your mother’s,” he says. “I’m sure you know that already. I can’t tell you what’s in your mother’s file, but I can tell you what’s not in it. There is no police report and no hospital report that she underwent any kind of examination. No sexual assault kit was performed. If she really did visit a hospital after this happened, there would be a record.”
    I’m not sure how to absorb this. For a few seconds, I try to speak, but nothing comes out. Finally, I swallow and summon my voice.
    “Why are you telling me this?”
    “Because—”
    “Right, because you think I deserve to know. Fine, that’s noble of you. But why are you telling me this now, after we’ve been talking for two years? Why are you telling me this today?”
    Dr. Hinzelmann lowers his chair and walks over to me. Standing, he barely comes up to my knees. His look is professional, but beneath it, there’s a faint trace of what might actually be remorse.
    “I’m telling you this,” he says, “because it’s something you could have easily discovered on your own, years ago. But I don’t think you ever wanted to. I’m tellingyou because, until you resolve your family issues, you’ll never be able to commit yourself fully to this job. You can never truly know yourself until you know where you’ve come from, and someone is lying to you about that. You need to find the truth.”
    I stand up. “You’re wrong. Unless I’d had access to my mother’s file, I never would have learned this.”
    “You could have used any number of forensic databases to see if your mother had ever filed an assault report. Maybe it wouldn’t have been the kindest or most ethical thing to do, but it’s always been within your power. Yet you didn’t.”
    I feel like I might be sick. Bile rises in my throat.
    “I have to go,” I say.
    “I’m sorry, Tess. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
    “Fuck you, Lori.”
    I walk out of his office,