funny.”
“Of course I remember. I was there.”
“I almost didn’t propose.”
Tess straightened. “Really? Well, I certainly feel loved now.”
He moved closer and ran a finger through her hair. “You should. I wasn’t going to back out because I don’t love you. I do. More than I can say.”
“Then why the cold feet?”
“Because of what is happening right now. We’re lucky. We have the evening together. Most of the time, I get called up and have to race to the base. I’ve watched Moyer, Rich, and Jose when we get called up. There’s a thrill about a new mission, but you can read the concern they have for their families. They wonder if they’ll see them again. It’s the thing these guys fear the most. I’ve seen them face impossible odds without blinking, but when it comes to family, well, it’s very different.”
“It must be hard.”
“Hard isn’t a strong enough word, but I don’t have another to use in its place. It’s like some living thing burrows into their gut and eats them from the inside out.”
“Oh, gross. Can you be a little less poetic?”
“Sorry. Don’t get me wrong. They would never step away from the mission, but this work takes its toll.”
Tess narrowed her eyes. “And that made you reluctant to propose.”
Before J. J. could answer, the waiter returned with a basket of chips, a bowl of salsa, and two sodas. They gave their order and the waiter disappeared again.
Tess waited for J. J. to continue. “I know you already know this. You can’t do the work you do without some idea of what happens to couples at a call-up. I hesitated in proposing because I don’t want to bring any pain to your life.”
Tess picked up a chip, dipped it in the salsa, but never removed it. “I have an idea what it must be like, but I’ll admit, I didn’t truly understand until today. J. J., I’m scared for you.”
“I’m not foolish enough to tell you not to be. It’s the way of life. As long as I’m”—he looked around—“As long as I do what I do, these call-ups are going to be a part of our lives. It is what I do, and I’m good at it.”
“I don’t have to like it to live with it, do I?”
“No one likes it; we all live with it.”
She forced a smile. “What I do is so different from what you do. We fight the same kind of battles, but all of mine is done on paper. I read, I research, I form opinions, then I go home to a warm bed.”
“Don’t sell yourself short, honey. You intel people make our job possible.”
“I hope I don’t come to regret that.”
“We trust in God at all times.”
“What’s it like being the only Christian on your team?”
J. J. thought for a moment. “I’ve never thought about it. The team gives me a bad time about it, but they still show me a lot of respect. There’s been a couple of times when they’ve turned to me for advice, but not many. Most of the time they just tolerate the fact.”
“Do you witness to them; tell them about your faith?”
“Not directly. I don’t know how to explain this. The men on my team—really, on any team like ours—are highly individualistic. They keep their cards close to their vest. We trust each other implicitly, and part of that trust means we don’t invade one another’s privacy. You have to be invited in. I try to show Christ by the way I live. I leave the sermons to my twin brother.”
“Oh, have you asked him if he’ll perform the wedding?”
“Yes.”
“What did he say?”
“He asked how much money you have.”
Tess moved away from J. J. “I see.” She smiled.
“Get over here. He said he’d be honored to do the deed.”
“He’d better.”
J. J. motioned at the table. “You going to eat that chip?”
THE LIGHT FROM THE kitchen poured over the white tile counter and through the opening that separated it from the living room of the apartment. Jerry Zinsser sat as far from the light as possible. In his hand he held a tumbler half-filled with Chivas Regal. He
Jimmy Fallon, Gloria Fallon