other.
“That’s us at graduation,” she said, pointing to the two of us holding our diplomas.
I could see what she meant when she called us opposites. I was wearing a multicolored rainbow of cords around my neck and what I assumed was an honor society stole in bright gold. My windswept blonde curls were long and sun-kissed, my lips were touched with peach lipstick and I had on the cutest kitten heels. Ava had multiple lip, brow and ear piercings. Her hair was even more colorful than it was now, with red and green streaks in addition to the purple. Funky, black and pink-checkered converse flashed from underneath her maroon graduation gown.
“Yeah, I got all those extra piercings just for the big day,” she smiled, bemused. “Wanted to freak the principal out one last time.”
“I’m the one who’s a little freaked out, honestly,” I told her. I put the picture down and spread my arms over the entire mess. “This is me. This is my stuff, my life, my memories, but none of it feels like me. I’m being told about things I did, and I believe you, I do, but it’s still hard to come to grips with.”
“I get it,” Ava said. “I’m sorry if I’m overwhelming you with all of this. We don’t have to do this right now.”
“Actually, there’s something else I’ve been thinking about doing, to try to jog my memory,” I held up my hands, signaling her to hear me out. “Don’t kill me but…I was thinking about going to see my mom.”
Ava’s eyebrows shot up. She opened her mouth, seemed to think better of it, closed it, and then managed, “Really? Are you sure? I mean, really, really sure because…” She trailed off, lost in thought.
“I mean, if I had a daughter, I’d want to know if she was okay,” I said. “Maybe she felt like I wouldn’t want to see her. I don’t remember exactly how we ended things. Maybe she thought I was angry with her, or something. I don’t know.”
My friend bit her lip, and I could tell she was trying to decide whether or not this was a good idea. She would know better than I would, after all. But finally she leveled that open gray gaze at me and said, “Well, if that’s what you really want to do, I’ll drive you over. I’m working tomorrow and most of this week, so it’ll have to be today.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re sort of my ride right now,” I said apologetically. “Thanks again for all of this.”
“You would do it for me,” she said as she picked up her keys.
***
“This is it, huh?” I asked. We were parked across the street from what Ava told me was my childhood home. It was a ramshackle place, tall, beige, and narrow with rotting black shingles and a torn screen in one of the upstairs windows.
Lovely.
“Uh-huh,” she affirmed, frowning. “That one to the right was my house. Looks like my parents still live there. Same old puke green curtains.”
I was such an idiot. I realized what a sacrifice she was making by bringing me here. I flashed back to the screaming matches from my dream and Ava’s shaking form. I caught her staring hard at the curtains of her childhood home, squeezing the steering wheel. Haunted. How could I forget? I had so few memories and I couldn’t even remember that Ava lived here once too. I shook my head, sickened that I’d caused her pain. “I won’t take long. I promise.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“No…I think it might be best for me to go by myself. I’m not even sure what I’ll say,” I admitted.
“I’ll be right here waiting,” she answered, her eyes never straying from those ugly as sin curtains.
I got out of the car and pulled my coat tighter. I’d lost weight in the hospital apparently. All of my clothes were too big, but I had zero money to buy anything new right now. I had zero money for anything.
My heart was pounding as I rang the bell. I crossed my fingers that everything would go well.
I heard a shuffling noise on the other side of the door just before it opened a
Kathleen Fuller, Beth Wiseman, Kelly Long