Read Blame It on the Shame (Blame It on the Shame: Lou-Lou and Ricardo's Story #1) for Free Online Page B

my name softer than he ever said it before.
    “You did something to me today, Bruno.” I stared blankly at the wall. “I thought you loved me but―”
    The bed dipped from his weight as he sat down. “Have I ever told you I loved you?”
    “No. You haven't and now I finally believe you.”
    I hugged my pillow and curled up in a fetal position. “It doesn't matter that you don't love me...because after today I love you less. You can take your love and shove it because I don't need it anymore. I don't need you anymore. I'll make it on my own without you, just like I did before.”
    He grabbed my shoulder and I flinched. “You don't mean that,” he whispered. “You're not leaving me, bambina.”
    “I do and I am.”
    I heard the door slam and I told myself not to cry.
    I felt so worthless and ruined. I felt like nothing more than a stupid, naive girl who thought the man she loved had felt the same way she did this whole time.
    I didn't know which hurt more, hating him for not loving me...or allowing him to prove just how much he didn't.
    Or the hardest truth of all...hating myself for still loving him―all while knowing he would never be capable of giving that back to me.
    All while knowing he destroyed a part of me today that my father never did.
    The part that still believed in fairy tales and happy endings.
    The part that still thought I deserved true love despite being damaged goods.
    The heart is the most peculiar and complex structure in the world.
    It could endure so much pain, but yet it still continued to beat... still held on to hope...and still continued to go on living when the rest of you would rather be dead.
    Moments later I heard his footsteps enter my bedroom again.
    He sat down and rested his hand on my hip. I tried to move away but he latched on.
    “Look at me,” he whispered.
    I shook my head.
    “Please, Bambina.”
    He never said please. I turned my head slightly and he cupped my cheek. “I love you, Lucianna. You're the only person that I love. Now tuck it away inside yourself and take it for what it's worth because I'll never utter those words again.”
    I nodded my head but hearing the words had the opposite effect on me.
    They only made me feel worse about myself. Like it was bad to love me.
    And it didn't erase what he did this morning or what he threatened to do to me.
    He seemed to sense this because he pressed his lips to my forehead. “I won't apologize for what I did. You needed to learn. You became too bold, Lucianna. I can't have that.”
    He reached for something on the nightstand. “I'm not letting you leave me but I can give you something to ease the pain.”
    I sat up and he grabbed hold of my arm. I didn't understand what he was doing until he pulled out a syringe and I immediately drew my arm back in fear. “You only administer heroin to those you're trying to kill. Those you once cared for. Is that what you're doing, Bruno? You're gonna kill me ?”
    No wonder he told me he loved me, this was the end of the road for me.
    His fingers traced my cheekbone. “No, Bambina. I thought about it, but I know now that I could never kill you. I love you too much.”
    He yanked on my arm again and it was then that I knew exactly what he was doing.
    He needed something to make me depend on him. He needed something to make me weak, so I didn't have control over him. He needed something to control me instead.
    This was a fate worse than death. This was the cruelest thing to ever do to another person.
    I grabbed his face with my free hand. “Please, Bruno. I'll be good. I'll do whatever you want.” My voice shook, but I continued, “You don't have to turn me into this. Please, mio amore. Don't do this to me.”
    He ignored me and plunged the needle into my vein.
    My ears rang, my head spun and I leaned over the side of the bed and puked.
    He stood up and stroked my cheek. “I'll be back in 24 hours. This isn't what you think. I'm not turning you into a junkie. I would never do that