Read Bite Me for Free Online Page B

v -word when others were around. “We have to go see the spooky kid.”
    “Noooo,” Cavuto wailed, then caught himself, realizing that for a man of his size, appearance, and occupation, that whining over having to confront a skinny teenage girl was, well—he was being a huge wuss—that’s what.
    “Man up, Nick, we’ll tell her not only does she have a right to remain silent, it’s an obligation. Besides, I called in backup.”
    “I should probably stay in the car with the Emperor. See if he remembers anything else.”
    Just then there was a commotion at the crime scene tape and a uniformed officer said, “Inspector, this woman wants through. She says she has to see her daughter, wholives in that apartment.” The officer pointed to the fire door of the loft where the spooky kid lived with her boyfriend.
    An attractive blond woman in her late thirties wearing paisley medical scrubs was trying to push past the officer.
    “Let her through,” Rivera said. “Look, Nick, an angel come to protect you.”
    “Oh God save me from fucking neo-hippies,” said Gay Linebacker Crunch.

5
The Further Chronicles of Abby Normal, Miserable, Broken-hearted Emo-ho of the Night
    ’K ayso, who is outside my door but Baroness Buzzkill herself, the Motherbot, accompanied by those most crapacious homicide cops, Rivera and Cavuto.
    So I’m all, “Oh joy, does this caffeine fresh clusterfuck come with donuts?” Which it turned out, it didn’t, so really, WTF is the point of bringing cops?
    And the Mombot is all, “You can’t do this, and who is this boy, and where have you been, and you have no right, and blah, blah, blah, responsibility, worried sick, you’re a horrible, horrible person and you ruined my life with your platform boots and your piercings.”
    Okay, those weren’t her exact words, but the subtext was there. And in retrospect, I may have erred in using the “I’m sleeping over at Lily’s house” gambit for two months running, when I was, in fact, living in my own très cool love lairwith a mysterious love ninja. So I decided to turn the tables on her by asking questions, before she got in the rhythm of grilling me and heaping me with mom guilt.
    So I’m all, “How did you find me?”
    And the dark, Hispano cop steps up, and he’s all, “I called her.”
    So I rolled up in his grill. Well, up in the knot of his tie, because he’s taller than me. And I’m all, “I can’t believe you ratted me out. You traitorous fuck!”
    And the cop gets all chilly and he’s all, “I’m not a traitor because I’m not on your side, Allison.” Using my day-slave name, just to fuck with me.
    So I’m all thinking, Okay, cop, I can see that you believe that your shit cannot be shaken, and you are totally trying to come off all sly and badass in front of the Mombot so she might do you a good long time? I know—mating rituals of the ancient and crusty—makes you barf in your mouth a little, huh?
    So I go over to the big gay cop, and I’m all soft-spoken little-girl voice, “I thought we were on the same side because—well—because we know about the nosferatu, and all that money you got from his art collection. We’re not? I’m crushed.” Totally hand to forehead, fake-heartbreak fainting. I was going to cry a little, but my mascara was lined up like the spikes on the gates of hell, and I didn’t want it to go raccoon on me so early in the day, so only a sniffle. I wiped my nose on the big gay cop’s sleeve.
    And the Momster is all, “What? What? Nosferatu? What? Money? What?”
    And Rivera is all, “Excuse us a moment, Mrs. Green, we need to have a word with Allison.”
    So the Mombot starts to go into the bedroom and I’m all, “Oh I don’t think so. You can wait outside,” or something like that, because it turns out I didn’t want her to see the inner sanctum of our love nest, because she’s a nurse and seeing the dog collars, test tubes, centrifuge, and whatnot might give her the wrong idea. (Foo and