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scent of burning wood struck me
right away. It was oddly cozy after the gray emptiness of the world outside.
    Numerous tables were laid out haphazardly
across the floor of the hall with mugs and dishes scattered at random across
their faces. Crumpled cloth napkins sat alongside most of the wooden bowls, but
there was nothing else on the tables: no maps or plans or anything to make me
think this place was anything more than a dining hall. It was also devoid of
life.
    “Wait here,” Jesus told us, moving across
the room with his followers and slipping through a door on the wall across the
way. It thumped shut behind them.
    “Is this stupid?” I asked.
    “Most likely.” Longinus sat and slid a pile
of empty dishes out of the way so he could place his elbows on the table. The
bench groaned beneath his weight but held, which, in and of itself, was a miracle
given how much muscle layered his massive frame. Hopefully that wasn’t the only
one we witnessed before we were on our way.
    His answer did nothing to make me feel
better about standing face to face with God. At least Daddy Dearest wasn’t
waiting for us, but with no one around, there was no telling who Jesus had gone
to summon alongside His Holiness. I decided I would rather stand, just in case.
Of what, I had no idea, but there was a slim measure of comfort in having my
feet under me. Even though I knew how stupid it was, like I was really gonna
run away from God, I talked myself into trusting me. It’s a talent I have.
    We hung around in silence for a few minutes
before the door opened again. My heart sped to a highway hum as I stared on
without blinking. I’d never met God, and I had no idea what to expect. Lucifer
always told me He defied all expectations, His manifested form endlessly
shifting through shapes and colors and substance as though he were everything
in existence all at once, each part warring to be recognized amidst the whole.
The hinges creaked and a shudder passed through me at the sound. My breath hung
heavy in my lungs as I waited, and then there He was…in all His…
    Uh…
    I slumped onto the bench beside Longinus as
a little old, white-haired woman stepped into the room, Jesus a few steps
behind Her, closing the door at their backs. A gentle breeze arose in Her
presence. My confusion must have been obvious on my face because She smiled.
    “Is this not the face you imagined, Frank?”
She asked, and I was suddenly aware that Lucifer had been right in saying the
Almighty defied all expectations.
    Who the hell expected Betty White to be
God? Okay, maybe that’s a stupid question.
    “Here, let me make you more comfortable.” With
no hint of any power being manipulated, no sense of anything for that matter,
She was suddenly a He. Much like my father did on Earth, God took on another
unassuming human form. Middle-aged, just starting to gray at the temples, with
a slight paunch to punctuate His average height and frame, He looked just like
your normal, everyday teacher or Walmart greeter. I
didn’t know which look was worse for my sense of awe.
    “Better?” He asked.
    I shook my head. “Not really, but I’m good,
thank you.”
    He smiled and came over to sit across from
us. Longinus stared without looking away, but there was no malice in his eyes.
If I was more perceptive, I might have said the look was one of grudging
respect. While there was no love lost between Longinus and Jesus, it didn’t
appear the ex-AC had any animosity toward the Father, which was something I
didn’t quite understand. I certainly would have figured there would be, just on
general purpose, if nothing else.
    “And how are you, Maximus?” Jesus stood
behind God as his father addressed Longinus.
    “Forgive me, but I did not come to waste
either of our time,” he answered politely but with no hint of deference toward
God’s position. “My daughter has been kidnapped and brought to this realm. My
sole wish is to find her and return her home.”
    God nodded.