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now, his presence would have to stay hidden: at least until I knew what to make of it myself.  Ryan lowered his hands from my back and wrapped our fingers together. 
    “Take off my clothes.”
    I shook my head.
    “Grace.  It’s your turn to feel power.  Take off my clothes.”
    After the day I had, maybe feeling some sort of power would help.  I took a deep breath and lifted my hands to his neck.  I struggled with my shaking fingers, but finally loosened his tie, sweeping the silk to the ground.  Then, button after button, I took control, reminding myself of who I was before the attack, before my life had been flipped upside down.  I pushed his sleeves from his bare shoulders, feeling a tingling sensation as my skin met his.  He guided my hands to his belt, assuring me I could continue.  My hands shook as I slid the leather from the loops.  I felt my heart climb up to my throat as I finished the task Ryan had given to me.  He stepped out of his suit pants, leaving him in nothing but an undershirt and boxer briefs.  He lifted his arms.
    “You’re not done yet, Grace.”
    I moved my hands to his hips and pushed the fabric up.  The sight of his abs stopped my breath short.
    “Keep going.”
    One more push up and I was reminded that he had scars of his own.  I abandoned my mission as my hands moved to the blood-soaked bandages.
    “Ryan.”
    His head turned to the side and his eyes closed.  I wasn’t the only one with pain from that night.  I wasn’t the only one who would be reminded for the rest of my life.
    He pulled his undershirt over his head and looked down at me.  His fingers skimmed my cheek.
    “And as for your letter to me, if there was one thing in my life I could take back, it wouldn’t have been the last few months.  It wouldn’t have been following you into that bar.  It wouldn’t have been breaking into your apartment.  It wouldn’t have been letting your father find out about us.  And it certainly wouldn’t have been falling in love with you.”  I saw his eyes drop to my butterfly-stitched slash.  “If there were one thing I could do over, I would protect you from him.  Grace,” his voice wavered as he ran his fingers through my hair, drawing my head into his chest, “I’m so sorry I didn’t protect you.”
    After a moment of embrace, I felt him break down.  I hadn’t realized how much he hurt.
    I wiped the tears from his eyes, nodding in understanding.  I didn’t have to speak.  He knew I didn’t blame him for what happened.
    Ryan covered my hands with his and walked backward, motioning to the bed.
    But I couldn’t.  I mean, I wanted to… or more so, I wanted to want, but I really couldn’t.  The slightest physical contact still reminded me of him. 
    “Ryan…” I started.
    He looked at me and offered a soft smile.  He sat down and stared up into my eyes.  His free hand patted the mattress beside of him.
    But I didn’t move.  I wanted him to read my mind, to not ask any more of me than I could give.  His eyes never strayed from mine. 
    “I’m so tired.  Aren’t you tired?” he whispered.
    I thought back through my day, my last few days, my last few weeks, my last few months.  Yes, I was tired.  I was so tired.  I did want to sit down.  In that moment, it was the only thing I truly wanted.
    So I did.
    “Isn’t that better?”
    I nodded.  “It is.”
    “Grace,” he turned to me, grasping for words.  His fingers danced on my freckles.  “I missed you.  I don’t know what it is about you, but there’s something that refuses to leave me.”  He took a deep breath, searching my eyes for a reason to continue.  “I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night looking for you.  Then the emptiness hits when I realize you’re not there.  Please,” he pushed my hair from my face, “don’t leave me again.  You just can’t.”
    What was I supposed to say to that?  Had I started speaking first, I would have said the exact same