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She started walking again, for a minute, and then she stopped and
said, “I’m sorry Brock. It’s not you at all. I’m just not looking to date
anyone right now.”
    “Oh, okay,” I said again. Hey, it worked the first
time. We made it the rest of the way to her dorms in silence. I was crushed. I
had envisioned asking her out, her saying yes and me…going in for the kiss at
the end of the date. I looked at her now with her full, pretty, red lips and
thought that maybe I’d never get to kiss her after all.
    She turned to me and said, “Brock, thank you so much
for walking me home. I’m sorry you have to walk all the way back now. It’s so
cold.”
    “It’s okay. You have a good night.”
    What else could I say? I walked back to the football
stadium, and I climbed onto the back of the only woman who truly ever loved me,
Suzie. The ride home was cold, but by that time I was numb and I didn’t care.

 
    CHAPTER
FIVE
    MOLLY
    I went up to my room and watched out the window until
he was out of sight. I think I really hurt his feelings. As soon as I said no
and I saw his face, I wanted to take it back. I like the Brock who is always
amused and I hated being the person who took that away from him. I felt mean,
plain and simple.
    I blame this on Megan, and of course if Megan is to
blame then Jake has to shoulder some of it as well. I told them both I didn’t
want a boyfriend. If they hadn’t felt compelled to hook me up with hot-guy
Brock, I would be ignorantly going through life, not even knowing he existed.
And then he would still be walking around with his amused expression instead of
looking sad and hurt.
    I mean, come on…it’s not like I was his only choice.
He’s gorgeous, of the drop-dead variety. He could go to the club alone and
leave with three women on his arm if he wanted to, I’m sure. He could leave
with three women with two good kidneys each. That’s five more kidneys than I
have. He doesn’t know how lucky he is that I said no. However he looked at it,
even if he only left with one healthy chick, he was getting double the kidney.
I was doing him a public service, really.   That way, when he found out about my lack of kidneys and the cancer on
the one I had left, he’d be spared breaking up with me like Zack, my last
boyfriend did. I realized then that I hadn’t been able to see him for ten
minutes, yet here I was still staring out the window.
    I continued my silent rant, but threw myself on the
bed where it was more comfortable instead. I lay there and went back and forth
between, “I did the right thing. I don’t want a boyfriend right now. I don’t
want to set myself up again. Guys aren’t good at dating girls with cancer. I
don’t want to put him in that position,” and, “What the hell am I thinking?”
      Finally I
pulled myself up off the bed and out of my pity party. I dragged myself into a
hot shower. I was still freezing. Maybe that’s what happened; my brain was
frozen over when he asked me out. Yes, that’s it; I’ll just call him now and
say, “Hi Brock, this is Molly. I’d love to go out with you. I’m sorry I said no
earlier, but my brain was frozen.” That should do it. I guess I wasn’t quite
finished with the pity party.
    By the time Megan got back I was asleep. At least that’s
what she thought, so she left me alone and at least for the night I didn’t have
to explain myself. In reality I was playing over the scene with Zack in my
head, the night he sat at my bedside in the hospital and told me that all of
this cancer stuff was really just too serious for him. It wasn’t me, it was
him. Hey, at least he didn’t do it in a text message.
    I made it out of the room the next morning still in
luck. Megan was taking advantage of her Saturday and sleeping in. When I left
for work, she still hadn’t stirred. I considered taking her pulse, but if she
woke up while I was doing it, it might look a little weird.
    Cassie was waiting for me when I got there, and