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overstepped the mark and I’ll have you banned from the next match.” The next match was of course the finals. But it wasn’t that threat that pushed me over the edge. It was the term “little girl”.’
    â€˜Patronising pig,’ Tess agrees.
    â€˜Exactly.’ Her mum is nodding. ‘So I marched back over to him and said, “Little girl? Would a little girl do this?” and cracked my racquet strings over his head.’ She claps her hands, amused by the recollection. ‘I ruined the racquet and was banned from the next match. In fact, I was banned from the club. But I didn’t care. It felt so good not to be pushed around by someone overblown by their own self-importance.’
    â€˜Did you join a new club?’ Tess asks.
    Her mum starts laughing. ‘Two, because the first club I joined had that useless umpire as their head coach!’

Chapter 5
    She clings to that night as she pushes herself around the lake every evening and pulls hard on the oars every morning. Her mum is proud of her. She hoards that image of her mother, hair and eyes glowing, that beautiful smile, her musical laugh. If they could win this final, maybe she’d help her mum to stay like that. The perfect woman she once was.
    â€˜She was quite something, your mum,’ Ned says one evening when she’s finished musing over the fine details of that wonderful family dinner. As they run through the misty twilight, he is just a voice near her ear. ‘A real woman. Strong and determined. You could learn a lot from her, Tess.’
    Tess nods but doesn’t look at him. The comment seems slightly barbed. Is Ned saying she’s not as strong as her mum? ‘I know. She’s what I’d like to be like. Aside from the madness.’
    Ned slows and she slows too. In the gloom she feels the scowl, his pleasantness evaporated. ‘Why do you have to do that, Tess? Always bringing her down about something she can’t help. Can’t control.’
    â€˜I don’t know.’ Tess is mortified. Why does she do that? ‘It slips out. I don’t mean it. I just wish that things were the way they used to be.’
    â€˜You want too much.’ Ned pushes on. She hears his words float back. ‘Try fixing your own faults before you look at your mother’s.’
    She sprints but Ned is too far ahead to catch—and anyway she doesn’t want to. Sometimes she wishes he’d shut up. Lately he’s been getting on at her about everything. About her clothes, her hair and always, constantly, about her weight. It’s beginning to feel like she’s not good enough for him. Yesterday she weighed 52 kilos. She was so happy. Thin means fit. But it’s more important than that: it means reaching the goals she’s set herself. But Ned wasn’t happy for her.
    â€˜Pleased with that, Tess?’ he’d asked.
    She stood stiffly in front of him and nodded, already feeling the joy slip away from her.
    â€˜Thought you wanted 50?’
    She inhaled slowly and sat on her bed, pushing aside a celebrity magazine. ‘I do, but it’s not that easy. Some days I feel so tired if I don’t eat enough. I drink water but it’s bloating my stomach.’ She lifted her top to show him, her stomach round and shiny. Her lip turned up in disgust.
    â€˜You need to do something about that. That’s gross.’ There was a shudder in his voice. ‘What’s the point of getting thin and fit if your stomach looks like something out of Africa?’
    Tess dropped her top quickly, embarrassed and disgusted with herself, desperate to get his admiration back.
    â€˜I read somewhere that taking a type of enzyme helps with digestion. Maybe I should try it.’
    â€˜Try something, Tess. Or I’ll have to call you Big Belly Bertha,’ Ned said.
    Tears stung her eyes and Ned, sensing her distress, immediately softened. ‘C’mere.’
    She