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not hearing.
    “Isn’t that better?” the officer asked. “Now we can chat without having to shout. Contrary to popular belief, I hate shouting. Unlike someone I know.” The man paused to turn his eyes skyward before he added, “But of course, if you live so removed from your creations, you have to shout all the fucking time. Don’t you?”
    With this declaration, everything fell into some comical, maniacal, biblical place.
    “Dale?” Jonah asked. “Is that who I think it is?”
    “Yeah, dude,” Dale said. “He is.”
    “He isn’t,” Jonah said.
    The officer looked back to Jonah and said, “Oh yes, he is.” The smile reappeared, and this time Jonah made note of the unusual amount of teeth and their unholy glow. “Go on. Say my name, boy.”
    Jonah swallowed hard, the echo of his gulp magnified by his fear.
    The officer, or perhaps not officer, smiled wider and said again, “Say my name, son. You have no idea how much it pleases me to hear it rolling off the mortal tongue.”
    “Y-y-you’re …” Jonah stammered. “Y-y-you’re the … the Devil?”
    The smile slipped away as the Devil’s face fell into obvious disappointment. “’Devil’? For fuck’s sake, son. I have a million names that carry unspeakable power and wield unholy influence, and you go for something as plain as ‘the Devil’? ‘Satan’, ‘Lucifer’, heck, I would have preferred ‘the Fallen One’ over this ‘Devil’ bullshit. Dale, where in the hell did you pick up this turd?”
    “Jonah’s a good guy,” Dale said. “Which is why he’s my friend. Let him go. He isn’t part of this.”
    “You’re right,” Satan said. “He isn’t. But you sure are. Now let’s get going. I got a pot of beans on at the house, and all this is making me hungry.” Satan stepped toward Dale, his arms outstretched, his palms glowing with blue fire.
    “Wait!” Jonah shouted. “You mean it’s true? He’s really here for your soul?”
      “Yes.” Dale groaned. “Jonah, you’re supposed to be the smart one here.”
    Jonah covered his mouth with his trembling hands and wailed through his fingers, “Oh God, Dale! I’m so sorry! I didn’t know. What happened? Why does he want your soul?”
    Dale leaned against the hood of the car as he rubbed his temples. “It’s a long story.”
    “I’m not going anywhere,” Jonah said.
    “But I am,” Satan said, turning his wristwatch toward his unbelievably blue eyes. “Chop chop! Time’s a-wasting.”
    “This is crazy!” Jonah ran his hands through his hair. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
    “Tell you what?” Dale asked. “That I couldn’t come back to California because the Devil would take my soul? Would you have believed that?”
    Jonah thought about it for a moment, then shook his head. “You can’t go.”
    “I have to.” Dale gave a short laugh. “Funny thing is I actually have him to thank for our friendship.”
    “Don’t say that, Dale.”
    “It’s true. If I’d never gotten mixed up with him, I would have never met you.” Dale put a hand on Jonah’s shoulder, squeezing hard as he added, “I would have never made a real friend. Someone who just let me be myself.”
    Jonah’s eyes welled with tears as the fifteen years he’d spent as Dale’s indomitable sidekick came flooding back. Before Dale, Jonah was adrift in a sea of monotony. After Dale, life had never been the same. Wild, unpredictable, not always what Jonah wanted, but never, ever dull. And it took the possible absence of the Dale-induced chaos for Jonah to realize how much he would miss it.
    “Are you boys done sucking each other off?” Satan asked. “I’m in a bit of a hurry here.”
    “No!” Jonah said. “You can’t go!”
    “I have to, man,” Dale said. “Besides, you’re always going on about me owning up.”
    “Oh, now you’re responsible?” Jonah pushed Dale’s hand away as hot tears streaked down his face. “Where is the asshole who won’t pay his share of the rent but