convertible roof is up just in time for the onslaught. I turn down his radio which plays an old Cure song. “The sound of the rain,” I say softly. “Listen to that.”
The rain pours down in incessant sheets creating such rapid patter it becomes a breathtaking white noise. His windshield wipers battle against the almost biblical flood of rain. It’s no use. We lose all visibility.
“Unreal,” Wade says as he quickly pulls the car over to the curb.
We are cozy and confined. The darkness, the sound of rain, the soft green lights of his dashboard intoxicate me. I feel myself slipping away. I watch him watch the rain. The barely-there stubble on his tan face sends a shiver through me. My heart pounds steadily. I wonder if he can hear it. I wonder if he knows I am so nearly out of control in his presence.
“What are we doing?” I say with my voice weak and breaking.
He turns to me with eyes that dig into my chest and electrify everything. I try to hold his stare, but it overwhelms me. My breathing begins to struggle out of my lungs. He notices.
“Are you okay?” he says in a sexy whisper. He lifts his right hand and reaches out to touch my left cheek and hair and ear.
The gentle warmth of his fingers closes my eyes.
“Erin, it’s just the rain,” he assures me.
I turn to take in his tender eyes. I wish his words were true. I wish this was just a passing thing like a sudden rain, but I know Wade will never leave my heart, not for a long time. I realize he is not mine and I realize I’ll never find another man like him.
I push open the car door so hard it scrapes across the top of a high curb. The cold water drenches me immediately as I step out into the downpour. I run. I run through pounding rain and away from him. I find a small park and want to feel the grass, the real earth under my feet.
My yoga outfit absorbs water, becoming heavy and cold as it sticks to my burning skin. I stop and hit a button on my phone. “Sunset and Vine,” I say and hang up.
I stand in the rain dreaming I am becoming steam, dreaming I will float slowly up into the dark clouds and be free of him, free of Wade and my selfish desires.
He grabs my arm. Wade’s already there. He pulls me around roughly like I am his to control. I am. We can barely see each other as the cold rain splashes onto our faces and into our eyes.
“What are you doing?” he yells through the noise of our ridiculous moment. “What’s happening?”
He lifts my chin and moves in closer trying to see me. I am afraid. I want to kiss him. I am afraid he wants to kiss me. I am even more afraid he does not want to kiss me. I bury my face against his chest.
Wade hesitates and then pulls me in hugging me tightly.
I don’t know how long the dream lasts. Ten minutes or ten seconds. The rain lightens as my heart soars. Part of me starts remembering it even as it happens. “Nothing’s happening,” I tell him.
The rest is a blur. I push away somehow. I want to be a decent human being. I push away and tell him I can’t see him again. I tell him I have my own ride. I tell him it was the most beautiful day I have ever had. I do not kiss him. I do not hug him or touch him again and it nearly kills me.
Wade waits with me quietly; we do not say a word, until Rodrigo passes by in the town car, spots me and does a slippery U-turn on Sunset Boulevard.
* * *
I am shivering by the time I get back to my dark apartment. I shed my icy yoga outfit, sports bra and panties. The shower turns on cold, but even then it warms my goose bumps away. When the hot water comes I tremble from the sudden heat shooting through my blood.
The warmth reaches my heart and the shivering lessens. I turn the water hotter to relieve my frozen nipples. I remember the shower fantasy about Wade, the one I had back at the shelter. Now I decide to let it unfold. I close my eyes. His warm lips kiss my hard nipples to make the cold go away.
He sits down on the bench in my shower and kisses my
The rain pours down in incessant sheets creating such rapid patter it becomes a breathtaking white noise. His windshield wipers battle against the almost biblical flood of rain. It’s no use. We lose all visibility.
“Unreal,” Wade says as he quickly pulls the car over to the curb.
We are cozy and confined. The darkness, the sound of rain, the soft green lights of his dashboard intoxicate me. I feel myself slipping away. I watch him watch the rain. The barely-there stubble on his tan face sends a shiver through me. My heart pounds steadily. I wonder if he can hear it. I wonder if he knows I am so nearly out of control in his presence.
“What are we doing?” I say with my voice weak and breaking.
He turns to me with eyes that dig into my chest and electrify everything. I try to hold his stare, but it overwhelms me. My breathing begins to struggle out of my lungs. He notices.
“Are you okay?” he says in a sexy whisper. He lifts his right hand and reaches out to touch my left cheek and hair and ear.
The gentle warmth of his fingers closes my eyes.
“Erin, it’s just the rain,” he assures me.
I turn to take in his tender eyes. I wish his words were true. I wish this was just a passing thing like a sudden rain, but I know Wade will never leave my heart, not for a long time. I realize he is not mine and I realize I’ll never find another man like him.
I push open the car door so hard it scrapes across the top of a high curb. The cold water drenches me immediately as I step out into the downpour. I run. I run through pounding rain and away from him. I find a small park and want to feel the grass, the real earth under my feet.
My yoga outfit absorbs water, becoming heavy and cold as it sticks to my burning skin. I stop and hit a button on my phone. “Sunset and Vine,” I say and hang up.
I stand in the rain dreaming I am becoming steam, dreaming I will float slowly up into the dark clouds and be free of him, free of Wade and my selfish desires.
He grabs my arm. Wade’s already there. He pulls me around roughly like I am his to control. I am. We can barely see each other as the cold rain splashes onto our faces and into our eyes.
“What are you doing?” he yells through the noise of our ridiculous moment. “What’s happening?”
He lifts my chin and moves in closer trying to see me. I am afraid. I want to kiss him. I am afraid he wants to kiss me. I am even more afraid he does not want to kiss me. I bury my face against his chest.
Wade hesitates and then pulls me in hugging me tightly.
I don’t know how long the dream lasts. Ten minutes or ten seconds. The rain lightens as my heart soars. Part of me starts remembering it even as it happens. “Nothing’s happening,” I tell him.
The rest is a blur. I push away somehow. I want to be a decent human being. I push away and tell him I can’t see him again. I tell him I have my own ride. I tell him it was the most beautiful day I have ever had. I do not kiss him. I do not hug him or touch him again and it nearly kills me.
Wade waits with me quietly; we do not say a word, until Rodrigo passes by in the town car, spots me and does a slippery U-turn on Sunset Boulevard.
* * *
I am shivering by the time I get back to my dark apartment. I shed my icy yoga outfit, sports bra and panties. The shower turns on cold, but even then it warms my goose bumps away. When the hot water comes I tremble from the sudden heat shooting through my blood.
The warmth reaches my heart and the shivering lessens. I turn the water hotter to relieve my frozen nipples. I remember the shower fantasy about Wade, the one I had back at the shelter. Now I decide to let it unfold. I close my eyes. His warm lips kiss my hard nipples to make the cold go away.
He sits down on the bench in my shower and kisses my