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snapped, so I ended up getting up and making a boring sandwich instead. Laura looked after Nicole while I slapped together bread and Philadelphia, chomping almost half of it before I was even back through the door. I knew I was pissing her off. I had the sandwich then grabbed the baby again, still feeling dead empty. The Davieses had taken out Mam and a few other dinnerladies from the Spacker School, to somewhere like the Viking or the Social. I didn’t mind babysitting, but I had all this Maths coursework and I knew my teacher would rip my head off in the morning if I came without it. I shifted my weight, then smiled as Natasha breezed in. She was my other sister, and she was all done up in a turquoise dress with lots of back-combing and dirty blonde highlights. She waved fingers at Baby Nicole then made her dance on my lap, holding her podgy wrists. Natasha’s pea-green nails looked seductive, and I made a mental note to steal some next time I went out.
    Where you going? You look mint, I told her, as she peered her face out the window-pane. Peppermint, in fact.
    Out with Dean, she replied. You stopping in all night?
    Mmm. I nodded. Natasha was only nineteen, but she was already engaged to him – the ring was genuine gold. She wasn’t pregnant or nothing; Dean was a good boyfriend and they’d been going out about three or four years without many break-ups. He didn’t want to rush the wedding, but Natasha wanted Mam to be alive to see it and boys tended not to have a say on that kind of thing. I didn’t know who was going to pay for it though, our dad not being on the scene too much those days – he had his own fancy-lady over in South Bank, but it wasn’t like he absconded or anything. We still got on with him and saw him now and then, but all he ever banged on about round his was the new bird and the night shift at ICI and he was boring. Plus South Bank could be scary, full of falling-down houses and angry young ruffians.
    When you going out? I asked, and Natasha went, Dean’s picking me up. We’re going to Time I think.
    Sniffing, I smoothed down the pyjama top then made sure Nicole wasn’t choking herself to death on my thighs. She grumbled and flapped her arms when I lifted her to my chest, just as Dean’s Escort dawdled past. Natasha peeked through the curtains again, then charged out of the house saying bye-bye then you heard the windy gales. I wished I was going out too. Natasha got a few whistles when she skipped across Beechwood Avenue, but they were most probably from Deano. It wasn’t our fault for being so good-looking. We watched Natasha’s back disappear, then the doorbell went and I wondered what she’d forgotten. I looked at Laura, but she was cosy and stubborn in her bathrobe so I got up and went myself. I handed her Baby Nicole then tugged the pink top over my belly, feeling a slight bit scruffy. It was only Rachel and Debbie and the boys though. Rach had swapped the gold porno top for white pyjamas with yellow elephants, and I smiled as they stood there clinking bottles. Gary and Dan looked quite alright under the dark grey sky, and I bit my lip when they stared me up and down.
    Hiya, you coming out for a bit? Rachel asked. We’ve got drinks and that. Howay down the park.
    Rachel nodded at the carrier then lifted out two big Bellabruscos. The other boys had a few bottles and all, and Debbie was clunking round a Tesco bag of spray-paint – it was a toss-up whether she was going to paint with it or huff it up. It did look like fun, but I rested a shoulder on the cream doorframe and said, I dunno. I’m meant to be babysitting.
    Howay; it’ll be a laugh, Dan said, and I wondered why he wanted me out so much. I bared my teeth then popped back through to the lounge, letting them in. Laura was sat tickling Nicole on the floor like a Munchkin, and she flapped her eyelashes at me then asked, Who’s at the door?
    It’s Rachel and Debbie and that, I said, feigning an innocent face. I whispered