Read Apocalypsis 02 - Warpaint for Free Online Page A

mean for that to be a joke, but the laughter was nearly out of control now. I reached up and pinched the bridge of my nose for a second, trying to think of a way to get us back to something resembling a serious session, and also trying to keep the smile off my face. I could hardly expect them to be serious if I couldn’t be.
    “Okay, fine,” I said. “I’ll attack you. When I get close, don’t look at my balls, look at my face. Lift up your hands like you’re going to slap me, but balance your weight on your back leg a little.”
    He looked at me totally straight-faced and said, “I’m sorry, but you lost me at, ‘Don’t look at my balls’.”
    I gave up. The laughter had gotten to the point that some of the girls were gasping for air. “Bring it in, Peter. Let’s just sit down and talk, first.”
    He came walking over, still cupping his nuts, earning him new respect from the girls. He was our new funnyman, brave in the face of badass Bryn, renowned buttkicker. I had known that I would have to use different tactics with the girls, but until Peter had started his comedy routine, I hadn’t realized how different. I was mad at him at first for ruining my setup, but quickly changed my mind as I realized this would be better. I just hoped I could pull it off and not just turn the whole thing into a big emotional, angry mess.
    “Alright, so, everyone get your breath back and I’ll go over a few things with you.” I looked around and saw that for the most part, they were in control. The only one not laughing at all was Coli. Of course.
    “I’m going to talk to you about some serious crap; not because I don’t like goofing around or having fun and want to throw a wet blanket on you, but because the reason we’re doing these exercises really is serious. It could mean the difference between life and death for many of you. Or your friends or family.”
    That got their attention, at least. Now it was time to go for the gut.
    “You all know how seriously hurt Celia was.” I looked around at their faces, the laughter now completely gone. Some of it was replaced with sadness and some with anger - possibly at me.
    “When I first met her, she attacked me with a baseball bat.” I waited for that to sink in. Some of the girls nodded, apparently approving of her tactics.
    “But here I am. I arrived on your doorstep a few hours later. Did any of you see any lumps on me?”
    “I saw a bruise on your shoulder,” said Coli with attitude.
    “Yeah. Because she missed my head, where she was aiming, even though she snuck up behind me and was only three feet away. Want to know why she missed her target?”
    No one answered, but I could tell they were waiting to hear what I had to say.
    “Because she telegraphed her move. It’s pretty hard not to when you’re holding a weapon that big. Still, she should have been able to crush my skull three times over, or at the very least, knock me out. But she missed because I’m trained to read body language and I’m fast.”
    I looked at all of them in turn. “Someday, you might be attacked by a canner … a kid who wants to make you his next meal, like what happened to Celia. The question is, are you going to go down? Are you going to be seriously injured or killed? Or are you going to be the one taking people out?” I searched their faces, talking as earnestly as I could. “Just because you’re girls, doesn’t mean you have to be victims. Do you get what I’m saying here?”
    Heads were nodding, reluctantly. It was clear that I needed to get their leader over on my side, and by the way they kept stealing glances her way, I could tell it was pain-in-the-butt Coli I had to impress. Ugh. Why can’t life ever be easy for a change?
    I stood up and spoke to Peter quietly so the others wouldn’t hear. “Peter, do me a favor. Go back to our hut and find me a guy. Any guy will do.”
    “You don’t want to use me?”
    “No. You’re too much like a girl, it’s not going to