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welcomed us to “Baldimore” and drove us out Harford Road to a used car dealer.
    Ray liked a sky-blue Plymouth Scamp with a white vinyl top, but the salesman balked when Ray mentioned a test drive. “Maybe you’ve been drinking,” the salesman said.
    â€œI didn’t mean that I would drive the car,” Ray said. “My daughter will drive it.”
    â€œI can’t allow that,” the salesman said.
    â€œWhy? She’s perfectly sober.”
    â€œWhat is she, twelve?”
    â€œWhy don’t we let the salesman drive?” I suggested.
    â€œI’m busy,” the salesman said.
    Ray brought a thick stack of hundred-dollar bills from his wind-breaker pocket. The paper was so crisp and springy, it would hardly stay folded.
    This caused the salesman to change his tune. Ray got in front on the passenger side, and I got in back by myself.
    â€œI’m Armando Snacki,” the salesman said.
    â€œShow us what the car is capable of, Mr. Snacki,” Ray said.
    Armando Snacki accelerated evenly and took us through a few smooth turns. Ray closed his eyes and fell asleep. We were pulling a slow U-turn when the tires squealed and Ray woke up. He twisted and looked at me.
    â€œWe are test-driving a Plymouth Scamp,” I reminded him.
    He touched his mouth, checking for a cigarette.
    Back at the lot, Ray told Armando Snacki that we would take the Plymouth, but only with a new set of tires thrown in. “Those you have on there are noisy.”Snacki capitulated. “I can’t sell it to anyone else, now that it smells like egg rolls.”
    I had carried a paper sack of egg rolls from the Golden Monkey. He was right, there was a smell.
    I drank a 7-Up while the tires got put on. Ray gave Snacki some hundreds. Then the car was brought around front, and Ray got in on the passenger side again.
    I reminded him I’d never driven a car.
    â€œIt isn’t hard,” he said. “I will explain it right now.”

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    â€œA ll I need to give you are a few simple principles,” Ray said.
    â€œNumber one concerns your feet. The right foot is for going and stopping. Does this car have a clutch?”
    We established that it didn’t.
    â€œIn this car, let your left foot rest. On rare occasions, you will use your left knee to hold the steering wheel, for example if you are eating food.
    â€œPrinciple two: avoid left turns, and avoid reverse. Principle three: adjust your mirrors.”
    Ray got out and stood in several positions around the car while I moved the mirrors so I could see him. Armando Snacki stood at the plate glass of his office.
    Ray got back in the car. “Don’t ever let the fuel level drop below half a tank. Top it off at the end of the day. Every week, check the oil. To check the brake lights by yourself, back up to a wall. Carry spare bulbs in the glove compartment, and carry a screwdriver. Don’t give some bored police officer a reason to pull you over. The first thing he’ll want is your license, and then there goes our cover. Above all, we must not go to Tennessee. It would be the worst place in the world for us, once we get our fake Tennessee driver’s licenses.”
    â€œWe have no reason to ever go to Tennessee.”
    â€œCorrect. Let’s drive.”
    I got the Scamp started and put it in gear. When I lifted my foot from the brake, the car moved, and I stomped the brake again.
    Armando Snacki came out of his building.
    â€œKeep moving,” Ray said. “We’re done with Armando Snacki.”
    I raised my foot off the brake, and we idled through a wide turn across the lot. I did have to use the reverse gear once, when I came to a light pole. I aimed us out the exit. Then we were off. I was driving a car.
    I had to corkscrew down on the seat in order to reach the pedals. I used my left leg to keep from sliding into the floor.
    Ray flagged a liquor store. “Stop there, if you would.”
    It was on