An End and a Beginning

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Book: Read An End and a Beginning for Free Online
Authors: James Hanley
man rise up, he felt his weight against him, heard him furiously shout. “Did she die in the home? Can’t you hear what I’m saying? All you’ve said to me since I called here is that America is a fine country, and I ought to get out to it. Damn America! But I want to know things, I must know, I have a right to know. For fifteen years.…”
    He returned to his chair and sat down. He did not speak. When the old man came and stood before him, he suddenly hated himself.
    â€œI’m sorry, Mr. Kilkey, I’m sorry. I forgot myself. Sorry I shouted, I mean it,” gripping the other’s arm, holding his hands, shaking them. “You are deaf. I know it now,” and in a sudden fierce whisper, “I only wanted to know about her. She was my mother, wasn’t she? I don’t care about the rest.”
    He paused. Kilkey’s eyes were full upon him. “I won’t press you. Let’s forget it.”
    He sat back, but a second later he was on his feet. “Can you get me some clothes? At once? I must go. I want to get away from here. Can you?” jabbering into the old man’s face, and the words were frenzied. “Can you? Do SAY. I should never have come here. I can see that. Get me clothes. My God, look at this,” and his hand ran the suit’s length, “do something now, before you go out, I want to get out of Gelton for good.”
    Kilkey’s hands were waving to and fro in front of him. “Stop! Stop! Keep calm. What’s the matter with you? Have you gone mad?” He pressed the other back to the chair.
    â€œAlways knew you would come here, and I would have felt it deeply if you hadn’t. Night after night I’ve lain in bed, and I’ve thought of all the questions you’d ask me, until I knew them all by heart. I could recite the whole thing from the beginning to end. Been living here seven years now, and I’m settled to it. Dermod is a fine lad, I’m proud of him. Perhaps one day you’ll see him, I say perhaps——” He emphasised the word. “As for Maureen, I’ve never quite given her up I mean—yes, I can see you laughing there, but I tell you that for a long time I’ve had a feeling she’ll walk in here one fine day. I’m an old man, and you may think me an old fool. Maureen’s no girl, either. Is she? I manage a bit of a job now and again. Thank God I can still do it. That’s always on the top of my mind. And by the way I’ll give you Anthony’s address. You know he’s on the China station, seems to have settled to that sort of life. They’ve a little girl, must be ten now. Oonagh. Father Moynihan’s still at the same church, old now, very grey, but still a charming man. You already know about Desmond. He’s never stopped getting on, you can imagine anything about him except laziness. Lives in Ralston Park now, I think.”
    He watched the big man in the chair, watched for signs, but as he listened Peter’s expression remained wooden, but behind this lay the dominant thought, the single thought, “Get out.”
    â€œAnd mother?” asked Peter suddenly, and it came like a shock to Kilkey.
    How he would persist in shouting at the top of his voice. “I’m not as deaf as that,” Kilkey said.
    â€œWell?”
    â€œI’d rather not, Peter, please don’t ask me.”
    â€œTell me about her,” Peter replied, and there was something in the tone of his voice that now genuinely frightened the old man.
    Kilkey got up and went across to the window. “Thought I heard a knock,” he said, drawing aside a curtain, peeping out.
    â€œNobody knocked. Why can’t you tell me?”
    â€œI’m an old man,” Kilkey said. “Listen! What good can it do you? She’s at rest. And it’s hardly fair on me. That’s the sort of thing you should hear from Father Moynihan, he could better explain it.

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