man rise up, he felt his weight against him, heard him furiously shout. âDid she die in the home? Canât you hear what Iâm saying? All youâve said to me since I called here is that America is a fine country, and I ought to get out to it. Damn America! But I want to know things, I must know, I have a right to know. For fifteen years.â¦â
He returned to his chair and sat down. He did not speak. When the old man came and stood before him, he suddenly hated himself.
âIâm sorry, Mr. Kilkey, Iâm sorry. I forgot myself. Sorry I shouted, I mean it,â gripping the otherâs arm, holding his hands, shaking them. âYou are deaf. I know it now,â and in a sudden fierce whisper, âI only wanted to know about her. She was my mother, wasnât she? I donât care about the rest.â
He paused. Kilkeyâs eyes were full upon him. âI wonât press you. Letâs forget it.â
He sat back, but a second later he was on his feet. âCan you get me some clothes? At once? I must go. I want to get away from here. Can you?â jabbering into the old manâs face, and the words were frenzied. âCan you? Do SAY. I should never have come here. I can see that. Get me clothes. My God, look at this,â and his hand ran the suitâs length, âdo something now, before you go out, I want to get out of Gelton for good.â
Kilkeyâs hands were waving to and fro in front of him. âStop! Stop! Keep calm. Whatâs the matter with you? Have you gone mad?â He pressed the other back to the chair.
âAlways knew you would come here, and I would have felt it deeply if you hadnât. Night after night Iâve lain in bed, and Iâve thought of all the questions youâd ask me, until I knew them all by heart. I could recite the whole thing from the beginning to end. Been living here seven years now, and Iâm settled to it. Dermod is a fine lad, Iâm proud of him. Perhaps one day youâll see him, I say perhapsâââ He emphasised the word. âAs for Maureen, Iâve never quite given her up I meanâyes, I can see you laughing there, but I tell you that for a long time Iâve had a feeling sheâll walk in here one fine day. Iâm an old man, and you may think me an old fool. Maureenâs no girl, either. Is she? I manage a bit of a job now and again. Thank God I can still do it. Thatâs always on the top of my mind. And by the way Iâll give you Anthonyâs address. You know heâs on the China station, seems to have settled to that sort of life. Theyâve a little girl, must be ten now. Oonagh. Father Moynihanâs still at the same church, old now, very grey, but still a charming man. You already know about Desmond. Heâs never stopped getting on, you can imagine anything about him except laziness. Lives in Ralston Park now, I think.â
He watched the big man in the chair, watched for signs, but as he listened Peterâs expression remained wooden, but behind this lay the dominant thought, the single thought, âGet out.â
âAnd mother?â asked Peter suddenly, and it came like a shock to Kilkey.
How he would persist in shouting at the top of his voice. âIâm not as deaf as that,â Kilkey said.
âWell?â
âIâd rather not, Peter, please donât ask me.â
âTell me about her,â Peter replied, and there was something in the tone of his voice that now genuinely frightened the old man.
Kilkey got up and went across to the window. âThought I heard a knock,â he said, drawing aside a curtain, peeping out.
âNobody knocked. Why canât you tell me?â
âIâm an old man,â Kilkey said. âListen! What good can it do you? Sheâs at rest. And itâs hardly fair on me. Thatâs the sort of thing you should hear from Father Moynihan, he could better explain it.