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Though we need to keep the patients’ information confidential outside of the ward, the doctors can discuss them because we work as a team.
    “Can you tell me what she revealed?”
    “We have a mutual acquaintance.…” Why was I dancing around this? I was a professional, he was professional. There was no reason to be embarrassed.
    “And you think this might make it difficult to be impartial?” His tone was kind and matter-of-fact. I could see why he was so popular with the patients.
    “Yes, but it’s more complicated than that.” I took a breath. “She and her husband were recently living at a commune in Jordan River.”
    He wrinkled his forehead. “You mean The River of Life Center?”
    “You know them?”
    “I attended a yoga retreat there years ago.”
    “What did you think?”
    “They were a little intense and called a few times after, wanting me to attend other retreats, but besides that, they were okay. They seem to be heavily influenced by Eastern philosophy, mysticism, Hinduism, and Buddhism, and they’re also dabbling in some Gestalt Therapy, but I didn’t get the feeling they were married to any one belief.” He added, “They’ve done some good things for the community, recycling and conservation programs, planting a public garden.”
    I thought over everything he said, which matched with what I’d learned from Heather and my own online research.
    “So how does the center fit into your dilemma?” he asked.
    “My patient and her husband lived there for a while as full-time members, and since they’ve left, it seems like some members have been harassing them.”
    He looked concerned. “What kind of harassment?”
    “From what I can tell, it’s mostly phone calls, similar to what you received, but they appear to be of a more pressuring nature. The center wants them to come back.”
    “Do you know why they left?”
    “She was pregnant.” I explained what Heather had shared about the center’s beliefs and that she felt members were blaming her for the miscarriage.
    “How’s she doing now? Has she been showing any signs of paranoia?”
    “She’s understandably depressed. She also has some symptoms of complex post-traumatic stress syndrome, and she’s very dependent on her husband.” My mind drifted back to the commune, the way my mother didn’t want to go into town alone after we returned home, how she made my father go everywhere with her.
    Kevin said, “Is that what you wanted an opinion on?”
    “No, it’s about the center. I knew the leader. When I was growing up…” How much did I want to reveal? This wasn’t something I talked about, even with my closest friends. “My mother joined the commune with my brother and me when we were children. We lived with them for eight months.”
    His eyes were sympathetic. “I take it you don’t have happy memories.”
    The thing is, there were some good moments, swimming in the river, running around barefoot with the other kids, animals everywhere, but it was all clouded in darkness and a feeling of dread when I thought back to the commune.
    “It was a difficult time in our lives and something I’d put behind me.”
    Kevin said, “And that’s why you don’t want to work with this patient?”
    “I’m just concerned I’m not the right doctor for her.”
    He gnawed on his lower lip. “All the psychiatrists at the hospital are good, so any of them would be fine, and I understand why you might want to walk away, especially if you think there’s any risk of countertransference.”
    I nodded. “Of course, that’s one of my main concerns.”
    Kevin said, “But as long as you think you can maintain objectiveness and appropriate self-disclosure…” Another thing psychiatrists had to be careful of was not to share their own feelings. We can tell them we’ve had experiences with pain or abuse, to show we empathize, but we can’t share specifics. “I don’t see any ethical issues involved with you continuing to treat her, do