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reading.
    One of the good things she’s done for me is to make me the class messenger. This is a job the other kids want since it gets them out of class for some free time. When Mrs. Erlanger sees that I’m getting a little out of control, she usually says,
I need someone to go to the office for me. Cory, would you mind?
So while everyone else continues studying, I get to leave before I disrupt the class any further, and I go chill out in the nurse’s office.
    As I keep up my drumming, Mrs. Erlanger seems to be getting annoyed. I guess it can get on anyone’s nerves after a while. It even gets on mine.
    I soon realize that I’m getting stuck on drumming, and I stuff my hand in my pocket to stop.
I’m trying so hard to be good.
    I look around and I see a kid named Jerome grinning at me. He sits a few seats away and is one of the boys who likes to get me in trouble.
    When I stop drumming, he makes a low chirping sound that I can hear but the teacher can’t. It’s similar to one of my throat tics, and thinking about it makes me start doing it, which is just what Jerome wants.
    Soon I chirp loud enough for the other kids to hear, and I make a silly face so it looks like I’m doing it on purpose — the class clown again.
    Now I’m chirping so much a bunch of the boys start to imitate me, and that does it for Mrs. Erlanger. She jumps out of her chair with an angry look I haven’t seen before.
    “This is not funny. I need you
all
to be quiet. Do you understand?”
    The room gets so quiet that I can hear somebody outside mowing a lawn. At first I’m relieved that the laughing has stopped, but then the silence gets to me and becomes its own problem. I need to do something to break it. I know this is a terrible time to make a noise, but that’s what the urge is all about.
    Finally it gets so strong I can’t stop it. My throat makes another chirp, then another one, even louder.
    The class holds its breath, waiting for Mrs. Erlanger’s next reaction.
    “I think it would help if you could control that, Cory,” she says in a sharp, slightly strained voice.
    I can’t believe it.
Are you asking me to stop?
She knows I can’t control it, and telling me to only increases my need to do it. I feel like I’ve suddenly been attacked by the only person in school I can trust.
    The tension makes me chirp again, even louder, and now I’m stuck in a terrible cycle I can’t get out of.
    “I think a time-out will do us all some good!” Mrs. Erlanger shouts over the noise. “Cory, why don’t you spend a few minutes outside in the hall?” she says, and points to the door.
    Her order stuns me. I’m supposed to be a messenger when this happens, not punished. Everyone knows the hall is punishment. I’m confused and hurt,
really hurt.
    I get up to leave and grab my book bag without looking at it, but the bag is open and all my books and papers spill around me on the floor. This starts another round of laughter from my classmates.
    Nothing is making any sense. My favorite teacher is mad at me and she’s making me act worse. My classmates are provoking me into doing things they can make fun of. I’m lost and embarrassed and ticcing wildly. I’m so afraid, I can’t stand it.
    Then I realize that another bad feeling is starting up inside of me.
    I’m beginning to get angry. Very angry.

“ ’Night”

Chapter 17
    I LOVE MY SISTER — she’s my best friend — but sometimes it’s so hard for us, unbelievably hard and unfair. I can cause her a lot of trouble and pain, and every now and then she starts to get even.
    I don’t know why she picked tonight to try to trick me. It’s bad enough that a new tic is making me twist my shoulders so hard that the bed creaks. Add this to all my other nightly thrashing around, and my bedposts are getting wobbly enough to collapse.
    But just as the clonidine and Benadryl are finally beginning to work, I hear Jessie from her bedroom, which is right next to mine.
    “ ’Night, Cory,” she