a
hallucination, it's a hallucination that you can't simply
throw off.
If only you had a word, a noun. If only you could shout
out: Aha, at last, now I know what it was that I found
so disturbing! If only you could jump for joy, jump up and
down, find a way out of this linguistic labyrinth, this
anagram of signification, this sixty-four-thousand-dollar
conundrum. But you simply can't fall back on any such
option: you must stubbornly go on, pursuing your vision to
its logical conclusion.
If only, oh if only you could pin down its point of origin,
that's all you ask. But it's all such a fog, it's all so
distant. . .
This diary lasts about six months. Day by day, as twilight falls,
Vowl jots down, in a typically finicky fashion, a host of insignifi-
cant notations: drank up all my provision of liquor, bought an
LP for my cousin Julot for passing his bac with flying colours,
took my Moroccan kaftan to a local laundry, said hullo to a man
living down my road notwithstanding that Azor, his pug-dog,
has a habit of shitting on my doormat, and so on; notations, too,
on his books, on his chums, on a puzzling word or an intriguing
fact (a QC at court who couldn't finish his oration; a hooligan
firing blank shots at nobody in particular; a compositor at a
printing plant wilfully vandalising his own typographic
apparatus . . . ).
2 6
Now and again, automatically clicking a Bic with his thumb,
Vowl would pass on to his own autobiography, would submit
his own past to psychological analysis, touching, most notably,
on his hallucination and Ishmail's island.
A particular day dawns on which it's a synopsis of a book, a
wholly imaginary book, that finds its way into his diary:
In a far country is found a small boy, Aignan, just two days
away from his fifth birthday and living in an old mansion that's
collapsing about him. This small boy has a nanny who, without
any warning at all, ups and says to him, "As a child, Aignan, you
had 25 cousins. Ah, what tranquil days - days without wars or
riots! But, abruptly, your cousins would start to vanish - to this
day nobody knows why. And, today, it's your turn to go away,
to withdraw from our sight, for, if you don't, it is, as Wordsworth
might put it — and you know, my darling," adds this palindromic
matron, "almost all of Wordsworth is worth words of almost
all - it is, I say, intimations of mortality for all of us."
So Aignan slinks away out of town. And in classic Bildungs-
roman fashion his story starts off with a short moral fabliau:
barring his path, a Sphinx accosts him.
"Aha," says this fantastic (and not so dumb) animal, lustily
licking its lips, "what a scrumptious sandwich for my lunch! How
long ago it is I last saw such a plump and juicy human child in
my vicinity!"
"Whoa, Sphinx, whoa! Just hold on a mo!" says Aignan, who
knows his Lacan backwards. "You must first of all quiz my wits.
Your famous conundrum, you know."
"My conundrum?" says his antagonist, caught short by this
unusual invitation. "What for? You can't throw any light on its
solution. Nobody can. So stop fooling about."
But, just a tad suspicious, it adds, "Or possibly you think you
can?"
"Who knows?" says Aignan with a roguish grin.
"I must say you sound a bit of a show-off, you brattish boy,
you, but I won't hold that against you. I'm willing to play fair,
2 7
I don't mind allowing your ambition to act as a cushion to your
annihilation."
So saying, with harp in paw, it hums aloud for an instant and,
making an airy harp-string glissando, starts to sing.
Which animal do you know
That has a body as curving as a bow
And draws back inwards as straight as an arrow?
"Moi! Moi!" Aignan (no doubt a fan of Miss Piggy) shouts back
at it.
A frown furrows its horridly bulging brow.
"You think so?"
"Why, naturally," says Aignan.
"I fancy you ought to know," says his inquisitor mournfully.
For an instant nobody says a word. A cold north wind cuts a
blast through a