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junk like this? The chair creaked under his weight.
    ‘This is where justice is served,’ he said. ‘Where the pieces of the puzzle get put together. Where I while away the lonely hours between cases.’
    Nicki pointed to a life-sized dummy jammed into a corner wearing a serene smile and nothing else.
    ‘Friend of yours?’
    ‘That’s a memento from a very famous job I worked on, The Case of the Gorgeous Girlfriend .’
    Zeeb says:
    There’s a long history of simulated companions throughout many civilisations. The leading text on the subject is Hanley’s Blow by Blow.
    One of the most unusual incidents ever to involve a simulated companion occurred on Farnimus Three, where a ship from Galagus spent weeks establishing first contact with a resident—only to discover she was a simulated companion named ‘Rosie’ discarded after a bucks party.
    This was unfortunate, as a whole series of peace, trade and foreign agreements had been established before the truth was revealed.
    Now there’s one thing you should know about the people of Galagus: they are particularly sensitive. Believing they had been purposely fooled by the people of Farnimus Three, they immediately launched a full-scale nuclear attack, causing the death of millions and a return to the Stone Age.
    Interestingly, Rosie was later found buried under a house. She eventually married a diplomat, and they still live happily to this day.
    And while we’re on the subject, my documentary on simulated companions , An Empty Love , is available for sale on gBay this week for only ninety-nine credits. Be quick!
    ‘ The Gorgeous Girlfriend ,’ Nicki mused, searching her memory. ‘I recall hearing about it.’ She picked up a three-foot-long key. ‘And this?’
    ‘ The Case of the Killer Key. ’
    She nodded to a locked bag. ‘And this?’
    ‘That’s just a case.’
    ‘I see.’
    ‘I’ll get you started on the Badde files,’ Blake said. ‘Reggie will help you.’
    Blake pushed a button on his computer. Nicki soon realised it was a G9000. It made a sound not unlike a merry-go-round coming to life. Nicki half expected it to start playing fairground music. A few lights flashed and a green blinking cursor finally appeared on the screen. In front of the computer sat a flat board decorated with letters of the alphabet.
    Good grief , she thought. It has a keyboard.
    ‘Hey, Blake!’ Reggie’s tinny AI voice rang out froma loudspeaker on the front. ‘Who’s the funky lady with you? Nice curves!’
    ‘Down, boy,’ Blake said.
    He introduced Nicki to the computer, then said, ‘Reggie, bring up everything on Badde. Every crime, every putrid detail.’
    A stream of information appeared on the screen.
    Blake glanced at his wristcomm. ‘It’s 4pm,’ he said, heading for the door. ‘The case is all yours, seeing as how Pomphrey doesn’t want me working it, Agent Steel.’
    ‘Call me Nicki,’ she said. ‘And where are you going?’
    ‘Following a lead.’
    ‘So you’re not going to a bar to drink Plutonium Supernovas? The medical report at the hospital said your liver looked like it was used to mop the floor.’
    ‘You must have been checking someone else’s file.’
    Blake disappeared out the door, leaving Nicki in the silent office. She sighed and turned her attention to the computer.
    ‘Looks like it’s you and me,’ she said to Reggie.
    ‘Nice,’ he said. ‘You doing anything Friday night?’

7
    Blake was halfway across town when his phone rang.
    ‘Blake? It’s Astrid.’
    Astrid.
    ‘Uh,’ he managed. ‘Hey.’
    Zeeb says:
    Love isn’t easy, to which I can all too easily attest. I was once in a relationship with a lovely seven-tentacled lass from Boggler Nine, and one day I’ll share the details with you. Suffice to say, it was one of the great romantic tragedies—think of Romeo and Juliet, or Gggurk and Puglioth, and you’ll know what I mean.
    Blake Carter is currently single but was previously in a relationship known on Earth as