praying to God asking for that and much more.
Tia forgave him and stayed.
For a while, Lorenzo was all right. He kept his job as an electrical engineer and went to work every day. He couldnât say that he was happy, but heâd been renewed enough to feel contentment. But Lorenzo had failed to ask for what he really needed, which was healing and deliverance from the abuse heâd suffered as a young boy.
By the time their daughter, Serenity, was eleven years old, his recurring pain had intensified, and he could no longer deny that marrying Tia had done nothing to alleviate it. If anything, it seemed to have gotten worse. His weight had doubled since heâd gotten married, and he couldnât stand lying next to his own wife in bed night after night.
He put the photograph back on the end table. The past two years of his marriage had been blemished with too many resentments, and infrequent and dull episodes of intimacy between the two of them. Their marriage had become nothing more than a façade, and not a very good one at that. On top of all that, there had been issues with his attendance throughout the year and heâd been let go from his job. His only source of income was the weekly unemployment check heâd been receiving for the past six months.
He rubbed the creases in his forehead and turned on the DVD player. A sixteen-ounce bag of raisins drenched in a creamy blanket of milk chocolate lay on the coffee table next to an open bag of previously popped microwave popcorn. Lorenzo grabbed a handful of each and stuffed them all into his mouth as he began watching his favorite movie, Antwone Fisher .
Two hours later, the movie ended, and Lorenzo was catapulted back into reality. He stopped the DVD and switched back to the television. A well-endowed female with exaggerated cheekbones spoke loudly with an East Coast accent. Lorenzo tried to focus on what she was saying, but the dream heâd had the night before roared even louder in his memory.
It was always the same. In his dream there was a big open field behind a triangular building. Lorenzo always thought it was a mall. There was only one entrance, and that was through the front door. If anyone tried to enter from the back of the building they would end up in total darkness. Lorenzo would look up to see a big sign that read: W ARNING. D O N OT E NTER T HROUGH THE R EAR ! Then the dream would end. It always ended there, and he would wake up feeling clammy and short of breath.
âWhy are you always in such an irritated mood?â Tia would ask him.
âIrritated?â heâd shout. âThatâs an understatement! You,â heâd point his finger in her face, âhave no idea how I feel!â
âYouâre right,â sheâd say. âI donât know how you feel!â Then her voice would suddenly soften. âTell me what it is. How can I help you if you wonât tell me whatâs wrong?â
Lorenzo didnât know why, but he hated it when Tia softened her voice. It was as if she was trying to play psychiatrist with him or something. Well, he wasnât having it. Not at all. She was a nurse not a psychiatrist, and she needed to remember that!
âIâm not the enemy,â sheâd said. âIâm your wife.â
Sheâd almost got him with that comment. Heâd opened his mouth to speak. He was going to try to tell her his secret when the next thing sheâd said messed it all up.
âA real man would know the difference.â
A real man? So now she was implying that he was not a real man?
After sheâd said that, Lorenzo knew he would not be able to tell her what was wrong. He cringed at the thought of how she might react if she knew he had been molested as a child by his uncle. Would she hold the same look in her eyes as his father had held in his? Would she blame him with unspoken words as his mother had done? Lorenzo had decided he couldnât take that risk.