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it.
    “Why is it sad? You’re writing about your music getting stolen?” I grinned. “No, I’m writing about you.” His eyes widened. “And me.”
    “Brandon,” he said, a glint in his eye. “Fiction? I could make a few suggestions, if you like.”

    A Red-Tainted Silence
    25

    But I shook my head. “Not fiction. It’s ... it’s the truth.” A lump suddenly dwelled in my throat. After a moment of ineffectively struggling to say something, I thumped the bed with a fist. A bitter laugh escaped me. “See? This is -- I can’t even tell you what it’s about without freaking out.”
    He laid cool fingers on my arm. “Then don’t tell me. I’ll wait to read it. I just hope it doesn’t stay sad. Why are you writing it, though, if it makes you feel bad?” I forced myself to look at him. “I’m -- I’m trying ...” I shook my head, rubbed my hand across my eyes. Damn, I was so tired. “I’m trying to make it good between us, Nicholas. I don’t want to lose you again. I’ve let that happen too many times in the past. So I’m trying --
    ” I closed my eyes, swallowed against the lump in my throat. Nicholas tugged on my hand, pulling me toward him. I pulled back. “No, I don’t want to hurt you --”
    “You won’t,” he said. “Come here, Brandon.” I still hesitated -- he was so broken, so bruised -- but he tugged again, moving gingerly over in his bed as he held his covers back.
    “Spoon with me,” he whispered, making me laugh through my tears.
    I nodded, curling up on my right side, facing away from him, scared I’d hurt him anyway. He still had IVs in his arm, and the blasted catheter, which he loathed quite vocally, but somehow we were able to meld together, his bare feet wrapped over my cast. I pulled the cover back over us and relaxed against his pillows. I buried my face in them and breathed in.
    Essence of Nicholas -- there was nothing like it.
    “Nurse Barracuda is going to freak when she sees this,” Nicholas said.
    “You mean Nurse Ratched?”
    “Freddy Krueger’s wife.”
    “Godzilla,” I said.
    “I thought Godzilla was a boy?” I looked over my shoulder at him, eyebrow raised, and he nodded. “Point taken.”
    I turned my face back into his pillows. “Don’t worry, though. Nurse Goodall is on duty tonight. She won’t care. She adores you”
    “Glad I haven’t lost all my charm.”
    “As if you could, Nicholas. As if you could,” I said softly.
    A shudder of longing raced through me as he oh-so-carefully curled up against my back. He wrapped his arm around my waist, taking care not to rub against my stitches, and snuggled his face into the back of my neck. His breath stroked warmly against me, and then I felt the brush of his lips against my shoulder. I grinned and laced my fingers through his, taking care not to squeeze.
    “Goodnight, Brandon,” he said, his breath whispery with fatigue.
    “Goodnight, Nicholas. Sleep well.”
    “I will with you here. And, Brandon?”

    26 Carolyn Gray
    “Yes?”
    “I don’t want to lose you again, either.”
    I smiled through a teary haze into the darkness. “You won’t. I promise,” I said and reached for the switch to turn off the light.

    A Red-Tainted Silence
    27

Chapter Three
    “Mr. Ashwood. Wake up.”
    I slowly opened my eyes. Blinking against the low light, I found myself looking into Nurse Goodall’s smiling face. “What time is it?” I asked, realizing then that Nicholas still slept.
    “Five-thirty.”
    Shit.
    Sometime during the night, I’d turned over and curled against Nick’s side, while he sprawled as he always did on his back, arms and legs akimbo. I, on the other hand, was scooted almost off the bed -- if not for the rail, I’d have been on the floor. I closed my eyes, realizing that my body hurt. I was stiff, sore; my stitches felt like they were pulling. They couldn’t come out soon enough.
    My broken leg was covered by one of Nick’s, and my left arm had turned into Nick’s pillow. He slept