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revelations regarding it.   He needs to learn and gain self-assurance but I am also hesitant to put him in any situations where he can.   I had been expecting a light bulb with the correct decision to go off but the bulb has remained dark to this point.
    “You know, you’re right.   I need to let you go out more but you still need training.   Plus, I do need you in other situations.   So, with that said, you can consider yourself officially part of Red Team but you’ll be partnered with me and, for now, only go out when I do,” I say knowing I will never reach a fully thought-out decision but also knowing I have to make one.
    “Okay, Dad,” he says with a little more spark in his voice.
    We pass Cabela’s off to our right as we continue traveling south.   To me, it has taken on this aura similar to the Holy Grail of safety.   It sits there, mysterious and inviting but with a hint of peril.   The light brown walls hide whatever is within; our salvation or danger.   I am wishing we were at its doors now as the unknown drives me crazy; like it doesn’t everyone else.   For me, the unfamiliar always held an element of excitement but not an unknown like this.   This is definitely one of those times I would like it to be known and known clearly; sharp and defined.
    “Remember when we used to go in there and browse forever?”   I ask as we both look at the structure passing by.
    “Yeah.   And the fudge we used to bring home,” he answers.
    “That was the greatest.   The greatest sugar high and then crash ever,” I say with a chuckle.   “The stuff lasted forever.   I wonder if there’s any left and if it’s good?”
    “Guess we’ll find out soon enough,” Robert replies.
    “And, we’ll be able to do a little more than browse now,” I say.
    “I call dibs on the sniper rifle in the case,” he says grinning.
    “It’s yours.   Although I think we’ll find a little better if we can get into the armories on Fort Lewis.   But if that one is there, it has your name on it.”
    The gray pavement stretches before us as we continue south, the shadows of the fir trees lining both sides cast their shadows across the lonely Interstate.   Robert and I maintain conversation about events in our past and some of the memories we shared together as we drive on.   The Interstate turns off onto Highway 101 and the sun swings behind us as we head west, with the highway eventually heading north.   The drive along the highway becomes even more surreal knowing we passed by this way just a week ago.   The week has changed both of us from our experiences.   We return with more knowledge and awareness but some of that awareness has also added to our stress.   The intense experiences make it seem like more time has passed since driving through here in the opposite direction and adds to the surreal nature of our surroundings.   Our conversation dies away slowly as we near the turn off to Mom’s house with worry increasing in both of us.
    I feel a great sense of loss as we turn off the highway towards the house.   The sense comes from the memories of all of the good times I had with Robert as we pulled onto this highway heading for one fun event or another and realizing those drives won’t happen again; those moments of excitement and anticipation of heading to share the day together.
    The sun shines through the trees, forming ribbons of light across the gravel road as we approach the driveway.   As the driveway draws near, anxiety and fear intensifies.   I don’t want to drive the last few feet for fear of the answer I might find.   The sound of the gravel crunches under the tires of the Jeep, rebounding off the thick trees at the side of the road, and is the only sound.   A terrible loneliness follows along with the slow crunch of gravel.
    I turn into the driveway and immediately begin laughing; both from the release of the nervous tension and from the sight in front of me.   There is Mom out in the