checkers to play with. Geez, Louise, when ya’s little how does big people spect ya to hold things on your lap? We looks up at Mr. Dull-ass, and he smiles and puffs on his pipe. It smells good and reminds us of our daddy.
The other man is sittin across from us with his ugly grin. He gots somethin in his lap-a case that pops open. He gots a drink too. We wished we had some ovaltine. There is a bathroom in the back and Mr. Dull-ass walks us back. Later on the pilot sticks his head out and says we’s gettin ready to land.
Next thing we remembers is this doctor is liftin us up into a chair. He puts somethin black and heavy on our lap. He puts a needle xvii in our arm and we is gettin sleepy, but still we’s awake. There’s a lady Dr. there who looks like Shirley Temple, cause of her curls. She says to the other doctor,
“How are you going to know how much medicine to give her? She is so little. Are you sure you’re not going to hurt her?”
He says its a truth drug xviii and he knows what he’s doin. Then he puts the black thing on our head and says somethin about it will shield us. Then he says,
“Come forth little one-I need to know your name!”
“ Little girl.”
Then the doctor says,
“Who Else?”
“ Nobody.”
He knows we’s lyin so he makes our body jump and hurt real bad. We got lectricity going through us . xix
“ Shadow, our name is Shadow.”
Now they wanna know who Shadow is.
“ Shadow gotted made at Grandfathers’ before we came here. There was a cross and the top slid off and inside each arm was a place to hold a candle. The center had a piece of rolled up parchment and some oil. There’s a big book and it looks like a bible, only bibles don’t have pictures of men and women that are naked. Grandfather says it’s our naming day and he gotta give me a battle name and make me a soldier. My name is Shadow. He burns the candles and puts oil on our forehead. He seals the lips with oil that’s still hot from burnin in a spoon. He makes us open our mouth and swallow it. Then he unrolls the paper and writes our name. Shadow. He’s saying some funny words. It is done and sealed in blood. Don’t touch my hair and face like that. You’re evil, wicked. Now he’s dripping candle wax on the paper. Sealed forever. Stay off me you wicked old man. Geez that be when Freda, our fighter part comes and starts fighting off the Grandfather.”
Now they knows all our names. If ya knows our names-ya got power and control. They says they’s gonna give us special numbers. Later Dr. No, the lady Doctor says,
“We are gonna help you, little girl, not to have any more pain. You don’t have to feel it ever again.” 49
They’s gonna make Samantha come. Uh-oh, spaghettios. Samantha won’t ever feel anything. No more pain, no feelins. It’s the way they made her.
(Intense electro-shock was delivered in order to allow my mind to disassociate and create Samantha who would never feel pain. In the future, whenever I was to be put through a torturous painful experience, Samantha would automatically be the alter who took over the body and she would hide the memory and the pain from the rest of my system. Unfortunately as I started to remember and integrate these experiences into my life, I would have to re-experience the pain and emotions surrounding each situation.)
“Back, just let the memories go back.”
That be what the doctor tellin us alright. It’s our first lesson on who’s got power over us. They says tomorrow we gets ta work with two other people.
The next day it gets real confusing. We gets more medicine put in us, and the next thing we knows a guy is talkin to our baby part. He’s standin in front of us talkin to another man. We is sittin in a chair and looking blank. He is tellin them that switching to different alters is as easy as turning the end of a kaleidoscope, where the shapes change with the turn of