but this was something that I had to do for myself.
There didn’t seem to be a need to say anything. I thought it best that I continue on my way. Milton’s words were still ringing in my ears. I didn’t like the idea that I was going to have to do something, but it became an effort just to think about it. It could be anything, but I had a feeling that I would know it when I saw it.
The meeting with him was odd, but I understood that he came from a different time and place than the rest of us. I’m sure that he had knowledge on the past and how it was going to affect the future. It was a strange way to look at things, but the only way that I could make sense of it was to put it into a scientific equation that I would understand myself. I had to look at this with an unbiased view and not concern myself with my own petty agenda.
I hailed a taxi and despite the very notion that I was doing something wrong, I was still going to play this out to find the closure that I had been lacking in the courtroom. I didn’t quite know how to say how I feel. It was not an easy thing for me to do. Putting my heart on my sleeve was not something that I did. I had a cold clinical eye for detail and that was something that I felt was keeping me from really living the life that I was deserving of.
The taxi dropped me off in the suburbs. I was never comfortable here, but my husband felt like we needed to put on the air of a normal life. We couldn’t live out of suitcases all the time and to put down roots would mean that we were making a true commitment to each other. I thought that he was crazy to think that, but putting my own spin on those rooms that needed a makeover had certainly given me a new way of looking at my husband. I still couldn’t believe that I was calling him that, even when we were this close to finalizing the heartbreak once and for all.
I had no idea what I was going to have to do for Milton, but he obviously knew something that I didn’t. I couldn’t think about that, as I went up my driveway to the back door. I put my hand over and unlatched the lock, swinging the door open to reveal my dog spike. It was such a generic name and one that showed no real compassion or interest to get to know him. He raised his head for a second, only to put it back down; when he realized that I was no threat to anyone.
I used the key underneath the fake rock amongst the real ones to open the door. I stepped into a life that had been what I thought that I wanted. I found waking in his arms to be comforting, but I didn’t really know if that was love or not. It could be that I just needed someone to cuddle with. Maybe the comforting feel of my pillow was the only thing that I had ever needed.
I saw the photographs on the wall and then I made my way up to the master bedroom. Visions of us bringing a smile to each of our faces came to mind. I remembered the arguments and the way that he would roll his eyes when he thought that he was right and I was wrong.
Chapter three
I don’t know how long I stood there, before I finally shook myself out of the past. I saw his ratty gray bathrobe on the back of the door. I told him that one day I would toss it to goodwill, but I never had the heart to actually go through with it. It was one of his trademarks and sitting on his brown leather chair with the robe cinched and the remote in his hand was the way that he spent most nights. I was curled up beside him in the Lotus position reading books. That was, so much better than watching anything that they had on television.
There were a couple of exceptions and I loved the amazing race and it allowed me to live vicariously through each of those couples. I wanted to do that myself, but my husband was vehement that it would never happen in his lifetime. Now that he was out of my life, I might be able to find a partner that was willing to take the leap of faith. It could mean $1,000,000 and when did you get a chance to get your hands on $1,000,000.
Dorothy Salisbury Davis, Jerome Ross