occasion.
She was also one of the rare people outside of the margarita club to whom Therese didn’t have to lie. “Things could be better. I’m not sure they could be worse.”
“I noticed Abby’s new hairstyle. And color. And the tan.” LoLo glanced at her hands, folded in her lap. “And her manicure looks better than mine.”
“Did you also notice the rage in her eyes?”
“I thought she looked a little testy when we passed in the aisle. So the visit with her mother wasn’t a success.”
“The visit was fine. The coming home sucked pond water.” Therese gazed at an arch of Jesus with the children. Suffer the little children…to come unto me , He’d said. Suffer seemed such an appropriate word at the moment.
“Have you made any decisions?”
Therese’s fingers tightened on her Bible. While the kids were in California, she’d had an appointment with the Judge Advocate General’s office—the legal office—on post, and she’d talked with LoLo. It seemed everyone knew of her desire to reclaim her life by giving up custody of Paul’s kids. Except the kids.
“Not yet. I actually feel like I’m making a bit of progress with Jacob. It—it would be okay having him.” She stared harder at the image, the colors so vibrant, the love so obvious even in glass. Such serenity.
When was the last time she’d felt serene? Long before Paul’s death. Being a military wife wasn’t ever easy. The moves, the training, the deployments, the forced independence, the loneliness, the ever-present fear of loss. Her last moments of serenity had likely been when they’d moved to Tallgrass: a new post, a new town they both loved immediately, new opportunities, and plans to get pregnant as soon as they settled in.
Then had come custody of the kids.
Then the deployment.
Then his death.
“But you can’t stop thinking about how that would make Abby feel,” LoLo said quietly.
Abandoned by everyone. Rejected while Jacob was accepted. Even more unwanted and unloved than she already felt.
Therese sighed heavily as the choir filed onto the stage and the pastor moved into place behind the pulpit. “It’s a hard decision.”
LoLo squeezed her hand. “You’ll make the right one. I have faith in you.”
Though she dutifully bowed her head as the pastor requested, inside she was silently scoffing. Faith? In her? She didn’t even have that herself anymore. Once she’d thought she could rule the world, but truth was, she hadn’t faced any real complications in that world. Life as she’d known it was easy.
Lord, I’m not asking for easy again. Just bearable. I can live with bearable. Please.
After prayers and songs, the congregation split up for Sunday school, kids and young adults streaming out the side doors, mothers taking their little ones to the nursery, singles and seniors heading for their own classes. Therese remained where she was, her gaze following Abby as she shuffled along behind Nicole, head down, full lower lip stuck out. She looked miserable, so at odds with her delicate beauty. An angel whose burdens had become unbearable.
The Sunday school class was interesting, the sermon inspiring, the singing the best part of the service. Old hymns spoke to her soul, and this morning they were all old. They gave her peace, at least, until the closing prayer was echoed with Amens around the room.
LoLo hugged her when they stood. “If you ever need anything…”
“I’ve got your number.” Therese returned the hug.
“And I’ve got your back.”
LoLo wandered away to visit with other members. The congregation was a nice mix of civilian and military, families who’d lived there a hundred years and families who would move on in three years. Therese and Paul would have moved on by now if things had been different. She would have been teaching in a new school, the kids adjusting to their own new schools and the knowledge that, in a few more years, they would move on again. Nomads, gypsies. She thought