mind,â she said. âI think you did.â
âDid he?â I said.
Three days later it was over for my father and me. Andy came through the door. Nina hurried to him with the mop. They stood beside the refrigerator. They were watching each other as though for a false move. I held my breath. They had caught me up in it.
Andy didnât know what to do and so he swept off his hat. His curly black hair jumped in a coil. Nina sighed. Andy was swallowing so hard that his bowtie fluttered. They came together in a kiss. The mop fell to the floor. Nina was clinging helplessly and they swayed there in the gold slanting haze of sunlight. I turned away in a kind of shame. For some reason my heart swelled with pity for my father.
They eloped on that very night. My father was working the afternoon to midnight shift in the mill. Nina came to me in the bedroom before going away. She sat on the bed and took my hand.
âPaul,â she said. âAre you awake, Paul?â
âYes.â
âCan you hear me, honey?â
âYes.â
âListen to me, Paul. I wonât be seeing you for a few days. Itâs just a few days. Iâm going to marry Andy.â
âAll right.â
âAre you really awake? Do you understand what Iâm saying?â
âI guess so.â
âLook at this. Andy brought you something.â
âI donât want any candy.â
âHe brought you something else.â
âWhat is it?â
âHe brought you a harmonica.â
I took it. The gold of it was warm and moist from her hands.
âTell him thanks.â
âYou can play songs, Paul. You can play songs for everybody.â
âI guess so.â
âAnd you can play a song for me when I come home. Iâll be here on the weekends to clean the house. Is it all right, Paul? Say itâs all right. I love Andy and I have to be with him. Can you understand?â
âYes.â
She was beautiful. Her black shining hair held the light and her dark eyes were big and soft with tears. She touched my face and I thought of my mother. Suddenly I realized how much I loved Nina. Now it would never be the same with us. She belonged to Andy. I remembered that kiss and I hated him.
âI feel so bad inside,â she was saying. âSo bad.â
âWhy should you?â
âItâs like Iâm doing a wrong thing. I shouldnât be leaving now. I shouldnât be leaving you and Pa alone here.â
âWeâll be all right. Iâll take care of things.â
âOh, Paul, I love you so. It just seems like you realize things too late. And I love Pa, too, with all his ways. Why canât things ever be perfect? Why is life so hard all the time?â
âDonât go crying.â
âI was thinking about Ma, too. I was wondering what sheâd say if she knew I was leaving like this. Itâs a selfish thing, Paul. I feel ashamed of myself.â
âDonât talk like that.â
âI think Paâs right. Thereâs a worm in the fruit. Wouldnât it be awful if heâs right about everything?â
âI think heâs wrong. I really do.â
âIâll pray for us. Iâll pray with all my heart. And Iâll be here on the weekends to help out. Youâll see. Tell Pa.â
âYou know what?â
âWhat?â
âI wish I could play this harmonica right now. Iâd play a song for you. Just for you to be happy, Nina.â
âOh, Paul.â
Tearfully, we hugged and kissed each other.
Just about then Andy was down in the cellar stealing a quart of wine. He failed to closed the spigot tight and the rest of that last barrel dripped away in the night while my father was raving.
My father never forgave him. Sometimes I went down the cellar and found him gazing at the old bloodlike stain in the cracked cement of that floor.
4
A girl may not know how to prepare a meal or sew on a button or