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good news. Your album went Platinum this morning. Congratulations, Gentlemen!”
    The room erupted with excitement. They alternated between patting each other on the back, giving each other high fives and ended with a group hug. It was heartwarming to see that despite their longevity in the industry, moments like these still held such excitement for them.
    Alex grabbed me by the waist and pulled me in close to him. I tried to offer my congratulations but he covered my mouth with his lips and all I could get out was inaudible mumbling.
    “I’m so happy for you Alex” I managed to murmur when he finally released my lips, his hands still firmly glued to my body.
    “Happy for us ,” he corrected.
    “Yes of course, I’m happy for all of you,” I whispered.
    “No.” He corrected me again, “You are part of this now, not just because you work for us but because we are together. This is our success, we are a team and you are not excluded from that.”
    “Alex,” I pulled him away from the ruckus that Chris was desperately trying to get control of, “that’s sweet, but it’s your band baby. I’m not taking credit for this. You would have achieved this with or without me.”
    Alex became suddenly serious, “Yes, that’s true but without you, without this...” he gestured between the two of us, “it means nothing. We are package deal now. I don’t want to do this anymore without you by my side.” He brushed my cheek tenderly, “Do you understand Lexi?”
    “Yes” I breathed as my heart swelled.
    God I was in so deep. If something happened, if he was to break my heart, I’m not sure I could stand it. It worried me, thinking back to that dark place, to who I used to be. NO… I was stronger now. This was different! Alex didn’t control me, Alex didn’t abuse me. THIS was ok.
    Was it ok? The thoughts tumbled in my head as I fought with my inner conflict. I had nothing else to compare it with. Was it normal that in a relationship you share so much? Was I turning into one of those pathetic women who was nothing without her man?
    “Lexi?” Alex questioned, concern washing over his face.
    “Hey , sorry... a million miles away! I’m here. I’m with you. You don’t have to do this without me. I’m here.” I assured him.
    “Good” he affirmed.
    “Can you two stop your secret squirrel meeting and come back over here!” yelled Troy. “We have some serious celebrating to do!”
    I smiled convincingly as we re-joined the group, I wouldn’t sabotage this. I would try and fight my demons. Alex was worth it. This was worth it. I was worth it.
     
    ~~~~~~
     
    “Lexi, are you are sure you want my help with this?” Taylah eyed me curiously as I pottered around my kitchen pulling out ingredients and laying them on my bench top.
    “C’mon Tay, it will be fun,” I smiled.  “Trust me if Martha Stewart can do this - you can!” I tried to convince Taylah as she looked questioningly at the box of Duncan Hines Devil’s Food Cake in her hand.
    “Well at least we aren’t making them from scratch, I can tell you now, the only thing I have successfully cooked in my kitchen is a fire!” Taylah mused.
    I laughed as we emptied the contents of the packet into the mixing bowl. I actually preferred to make these from scratch but time was not my friend. The meeting with the band had taken up most of the morning and I was keen to spend some time with Taylah before we left for the tour.
    We all had known this was coming. James was hesitant about leaving his pregnant wife at home and Hannah was also feeling trepidation at the thought of the separation. She didn’t complain but I could tell that deep down it was affecting her. It was only natural that she would want her husband by her side during her last trimester, but she understood that he had to go. She understood that his job, which took him away from her, also ignited his soul. It was part of him; he was too talented for her to keep to herself.
    I was lucky in that I