Read A Fine Profession (The Chambermaid's Tales Part One) for Free Online Page B

sausages lay in a triangle around it, a mock-moat perhaps, and though I had not eaten a bite, nobody else had really noticed. My other siblings ‒ resembling animals feeding at the zoo ‒ were almost done with their meals and would certainly try to steal my food once they were done. “Charlotte's smaller, she doesn't need the nutrition as much as us, Charlotte is wasteful.” This was petty for three grown-up siblings, but this is how it was still, though I was 25, my sister 23 and my brother 27. Our mother had rather cushioned us from life after my illness had turned our lives upside down. I never realised how detrimental this cushioning was until later on. So, to the matter…
    My f ather, still expectant, added, “Charley, darling, you have not been out for a while, your mother says. You sleep all day. Do you need to go to the doctors?”
    I could feel the anger bubbling up, boiling away, and all manner of protestations lingered on the tip of my tongue. Speaking out, though, was something I had never done nor would, it seemed. Disobeying or arguing against our all-seeing, all-knowledgeable hunter-gatherer daddy was possibly the worst crime you could commit in that house. He could really be the nicest man alive to everyone and anyone, unless you questioned him. I im agined all kinds of scenarios involving the family falling apart, the house going up for sale, Mum meeting another man ‒ if I spoke up and upset the status quo. (By now reader, you should have realised much that I imagined was exactly that.)
    T hose words: Your mother says. They irritated and goaded me. It meant my mother was worried but did not have the guts to speak to me herself. My father had chosen this juncture to ask questions of me, so he could bat away any uncomfortable silences with the others around to back him up.
    James, my brother, piped up, “ Yeah, sis, come on… what's it all about, eh? Just tell us.”
    I really had to put up the barriers and zone out. If they continued, I knew I would not be able to prevent myself screaming. James, oh James, oh the brother with the high IQ and the girlfriends, the many, many girlfriends who had turned up on our doorstep after he had spent a couple of nights and ignored them ever since. The pride and joy of my father who knew he could probably commit murder and get away with it. If Alice waded in too, God help me. I just did not need their judgement, condescension or pity. It grated terribly and I imagined their heads, their grotesque judgemental heads on spikes, dancing around the room as they goaded me into finally telling them what I really thought.
    “ Look, Lottie,” my sister began, calling me by the name only she called me by, “you can tell us anything. We are your family.”
    I had to say something. “It was a terrible job, I quit, end of. You all probably thought so anyway, so what is the big deal?”
    “ But how can it be that you have been so sad since?” my mother asked, gently. She was sat right beside me and wanted to touch my hand, I could tell. She added, “Something else must have happened?”
    “ You don't have to be ashamed poppet, we're here to help, remember?” my father added.
    Help , I thought, help ? I did not need to be reminded that for several years I had been requiring of round-the-clock help .
    “ Dad, listen,” I stammered, “I am just taking… some time. Need to figure out some things.”
    I could see the looks on Alice and James's faces. They seemed to want more from me. I knew they did not believe what I was trying to say. It infuriated me.
    My natural impulse was to run upstairs, slam the door, lock it and remain hidden for the rest of the week. I sank in my chair, their feeding utensils now placed down and their energies centred on me.
    I muttered, “You don't need to worry. I am just taking some time to reassess. I am okay, or will be, stop fussing!” I told them, and wished the ground would swallow me up. I needed to escape.
    “ But Charlotte, this