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“designated driver,” since Ray did not have a driver’s license. He gave up driving, he said, because he got too angry at the other drivers who cut him off in traffic. In Brazil, he would walk, take a taxi, or have a private driver take him to his destination. But even as a passenger, he would yell at other motorists. When Silvana was with him, she would constantly say, “Bahinio”—his nickname—“calm down!”
    Although I’m not much of a gambler—I occasionally placed a five-dollar chip on “lifeguard red” on the roulette table—I was in love with his daughter and knew she was the one for me. So, if driving Ray down to the casinos made him happy, I did it. He was, after all, my father-in-law-to-be, and he enjoyed it, so I was the accommodating son-in-law-to-be. I also took him and Silvana, along with my dad, Bruna, and one of her friends, to Yankee Stadium to see a baseball game, and when the weather turned cold, Ray and I went to a New Jersey Devils hockey game.
    During that first summer that Bruna and I were together, the New Jersey real estate market was soft and prices were attractive for buyers. Bruna’s parents decided it might be an excellent time to purchase some property in America. Historically, Brazil occasionally froze its citizens’ bank accounts, and Ray seemed worried that something similar could happen again sometime. He wanted to invest some of his money outside of his homeland, similar to what Bruna’s aunt had done by purchasing a home in Portugal. So the idea of Ray and Silvana having a place in the United States was not as foreign as it might seem.
    My mom, who had her real estate license, and I offered to help Ray find the right place, but I also spoke straightforwardly to him, man to man. “I understand you may want to buy a place, but there are two things we need to make clear. I don’t want you to feel pressure because of Bruna’s and my relationship that you should purchase property here. And second, on the other hand, I don’t want you to feel that you would be pressuring me by buying a place here.” I wanted to be sure that if Ray and Silvana bought property, it was because they wanted to, not in any way because of Bruna and me.
    Ray seemed to appreciate my forthrightness. He later told me, “I knew all along that you and my daughter were going to be married.”
    While Bruna and I were still dating, and everyone was staying at my place, her parents purchased a condo on the Jersey coast. Mom and I helped them negotiate a good price on one unit in a beautiful complex, complete with a pool and overlooking the ocean on Island View Way, in Sea Bright, New Jersey. Bruna and I frequently went over to Sea Bright to spend the day at the Ribeiros’ condo, or at their pool or the beach.
    Silvana was always kind to me, giving, caring, and pleasant. Yet at the same time I couldn’t help noticing there was something in her eyes that seemed cold and distant. I didn’t see anything weird at the time, but I realized that her son had a similar expression in his eyes. I’m a tolerant person, though, and figured that they were merely different from me. Besides, I was beginning to like the close familial relationship I had formed with all of them.
    Sometimes my friends would ask me, “How can you deal with them being here all the time?”
    â€œWe get along. They are close with Bruna, and I respect that. Bruna is here, so I understand their wanting to be close to her. I love close families.” To me it wasn’t about butting heads or having to have my own way. I’m pretty easygoing by nature, so it was no problem for me to have the extended family members around Bruna and me. We also included my mom, dad, and my sister and her husband, Chris, in our activities whenever it was convenient for them. We were one big, happy family.
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    IN 1999, I gave Bruna an engagement ring I’d