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women.
    Willie played another solo, this one with even more gusto.
    “People say one day Willie will be our leader,” Christian said, leaning in to me as we stood still later with our backs against the wall.
    “I doubt that,” I told him. “He’s too fun-loving, wants attention for himself.”
    “Possibly,” Christian said. “But a leader needs to demonstrate enthusiasm in order to have followers. No one wants to be a disciple of a somber soul.”
    “Father Keil is far from … merry,” I said. “Yet here we all are.” I spread my arms wide.
    “Wilhelm is joyous and kind, Emma. That’s how we see him. He has the music, the band. He reminds us that we find abundance in living simply.”
    “Living simply,” I said, disgust in my voice. I still had the ruffle attached, and I decided at that moment I would simply leave it there.I’d wash it at home, not at the communal washhouse. No one would ever discover my interest in uniqueness.
    “What else about Bethel distresses you?” Christian asked. He’d cocked his head to the side and had a wry smile on his face.
    “You want my opinion?”
    His eyes held mine and he sobered. I noticed that the color of his mustache bore tints of red. “I should know the things that cause unrest in you,” he said, his voice as smooth as hot cider, “if you’re to be my wife.”
    I felt my stomach fall into my knees.
    Catching my breath I said, “The word
if
looms large.”
    “Indeed,
if
is larger. As with my dancing, I can step over that word rather than on it,” Christian said, “and make the request without venturing further into what brings you happiness or strife. It surprises—”
    “No, no,” I said. “I want to be asked my thoughts.
Ja
, I do. Will my answers make a difference to the offer? It was an offer,
ja?
Or do I misunderstand?” My words twirled around, caught up now with my feelings like a kite string swirling upward in the wind. “Have you asked our leader? my father?” I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I already knew Christian could be easily dissuaded by either of these two men.
    “Your father has concurred. Wilhelm has not.” I looked away. “Indeed, he knows nothing of it,” Christian said, his hand patting mine in reassurance. “I did not wish to begin that … dance until I knew you would step with me. Your father’s agreed first. Then if you say to proceed, I will approach Wilhelm. He is a kindly man despite what you may think, Emma. So I believe by his birthday celebration, we will be allowed to announce to all our marital intentions. God willing. You, being willing. You have yet to say if I can step over the
if
.”
    “
Ja
,” I said. “I agree to be your wife, no ifs. But when the engagementis complete and we have answered our leader’s probing, I hope you’ll still be pleased with your offer.”
    “He doesn’t interrogate, Emma. He asks to be sure that husbands and wives will be happy to be together for life. It is his duty as a leader to inquire.”
    “
Ja
, sure,” I said, knowing it wouldn’t be the last time Christian Giesy and his future wife would see the world through very different eyes.
    We completed the evening with not another word about our future. It was hardly a romantic declaration, all wrapped up in talk of civics and ascendancy. And yet wasn’t that what I’d been aching for, to have conversations between men and women, express words that did more than tease the mind? No, I’d been aching to be truly seen by Christian, to be known not as “one of the colony women wearing faded flannel and her hair parted in the center,” but as someone another might pick out from a crowd.
    Now that he had, I felt lightheaded: I might actually receive what I wanted. I’d begun to weave, and God had just handed me the finest yet most foreign of threads.

3
A Ring Around the Fire
    Youth claims perfect pitch and often fails to note disharmony. When I told my mother of Christian’s intentions, she smiled and held me,