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keep coming back into my head… the ‘you know’ look.
    My messed up and newly unsettled mind keeps returning to next weekend. Literally every five minutes to be precise. There was simply no way I could do a spot of casual sex in Paris, could I? The wave returned with a heated vengeance at the thought of it. Well it seems my body was up for it. But my head…? It was just too soon. Wasn’t it? For a crazy second I wished I was more like Suze… we’d have done it by now and I’d be on the lookout for the next conquest.
    Thinking of Suze, there’s a text from her which has suddenly appeared as if by magic…
    “ Coming over tonight at 7 with a bottle of red. Make me SB.”
    Suze loved my spaghetti bolognese… don’t know why, it wasn’t a special recipe. It came out of a jar mostly. It sounded very much like she wanted to get me a little tipsy and get the lowdown on Mark. She wasn’t ever very subtle.
    “ OK. See you.” I agreed to her evening meal and Mark secrets demand.
    ***
    I served up the dinner and we sat down at the table. I took another slurp of Suze’s delicious Rioja… I’m turning into a proper old wino lately…. Must cut down on my drinking.
    “ So… what’s going on with Mark then?”
    I knew she’d been dying to ask me for the last 15 minutes she’d been here… but she wanted to get some wine in me first, so she’d get the benefit of my looser tongue. I was already on glass two’ish. She kept topping me up… Not that I minded. Suze is a real good pal. I can tell her some stuff.
    She was busy twirling spaghetti but I knew her ears were all attention…
    “ Hmmm… don’t know exactly.”
    “ Well that’s a positive. Better than the ‘nothing’ I expected.”
    Maybe I’ll just tell her – the lot – the wine was working…
    “ He’s asked me to go to Paris with him.”
    “ Fucking hell! He must want to shag you a lot Ray.”
    “ That’s what I’m worried about. I don’t think I should go.”
    “ D’you think he’d take me instead?”
    I look at her. I actually think she’s serious.
    “ You know, I really wish I was more like you at times. You can separate sex and love, can’t you?”
    “ Yeah, but the trouble is, I don’t ever get to the love part. I never date more than two or three times. I go for the wrong guys. They’re all players. Fuck and dump. That’s their motto.”
    I was a little shocked at Suze’s sudden opening of her heart to me.
    “ I thought you liked that? No relationship issues. Just sex with lots of different hot men…”
    “ Well yes. I like the sex, of course, but I would like a relationship to go with it occasionally. I get lonely now and then. I even envy what you had with Jon. I know he was bullying and controlling and a complete bastard and all, but you had two years of some kind of love with him. I’ve never really felt like that about anyone. Never got the chance…”
    Her eyes filled up. I touched her hand across the table.
    “ Oh Suze. I didn’t realise…”
    “ It’s okay. I have the odd miserable moment but I’m happy most of the time. A boyfriend would make me happier, but I’m not desperate yet.” She brightened up and smiled at me. “Anyway, that’s enough about me… tell me all about Mr hot stuff… I want to know the lot. Every look and every word… come on, tell your nosy friend Suzanne everything… right from the beginning.”
    So I did.
    Suze listened in rapt attention to my tale from waking up in his bed to being asked back for a return visit. She then delivered her usual brand of no nonsense advice.
    “ Just go to Paris and let him shag you senseless. It’ll make you feel good.”
    “ I don’t know that it will. I might get all involved with him.”
    “ So what? It won’t be a massive heartbreaker when it ends will it? You get to have a quick fling with a hot millionaire. It should be on every girls list of to do’s. Go for it I say.”
    I do so love Suze. She has such a way of putting things. All