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you if you want.”
    “That’s nice of her.” I haven’t been to church in forever. “I’ll try to go. I should go. I think I’m going to hell.”
    Jenn and Margo stay silent, neither one looking to go there.
    I miss my mom.
    We eat. Well, they mostly eat. Nothing tastes anymore. There are no smells. No cool breezes. No music I care to hear. No reason to exist. They drop me off and I curl up in my parents’ bed trying to escape the memories of Jason in mine. After hours of staring at the ceiling, I succumb to the horror I now call sleep.
    *  *  *
    Gravel spits at the undercarriage as he pulls the truck to the shoulder and turns off the ignition. We’ll make love here. Along the side of this road, at least an hour west of Stillwater. My nipples harden as the chill dances between them, and my breath deepens. The anticipation of him pulling me on top of him throbs between my legs. Jason grabs my hand and to my surprise, pulls me out of the truck.
    “What are you doing?” I ask, almost laughing. He leads me at least thirty feet away from the road and then faces me. With his arms around my waist, I lean up on my toes to kiss him. Jason’s usual hunger is replaced by a gentleness that’s foreign in his body.
    “Look up, Annie,” he says, but I can’t take my eyes off him. I lean back and try to concentrate on his words. “Look up.”
    I let my head fall back and attempt to take it in. The black sky is teeming with stars. Millions of them, millions more than I’ve ever seen in my life. I step away from Jason. My gaze straight up, I amble in a circle, unable to fit the whole scene into one vision, one picture in my mind.
    “My God, it’s raining stars here,” I say, wonder consuming me. “Jason, it’s incredible.”
    “If you come to Oklahoma, you can see this every night,” he says, and I stop three feet from him and let the conniving tone of his words sink in.
    “Is that why you brought me here? To convince me to come back?” He’s so beautiful in the dim moonlight. A wall of muscle beneath his cowboy hat.
    “Whenever you’re…upset,” he says, seeking the right words. He’s distraught. “You search the sky for something. Something that settles you. I thought you should see an Oklahoma sky.” His eyes hold me with the same grip he has on my soul. I can’t look away any more than I can comprehend staying away.
    “But I want you to stay, Annie. I want you to never go back to New Jersey without me.” The silence waits. It waits for me to relent, to say the words that will keep us together forever. A chill runs through me and a star shoots across the sky, stealing me from him.
    This incredible sky.
    I abandon it and drop my head, and then he’s upon me. Threading both hands in my hair and clenching them, pulling my hair down and my face toward the sky.
    “Forgive me.” His words describe some perfect scenario I can’t accept. Perfect died in a car crash eight weeks ago and now shreds of hope, mixed with reminders of pain, propel me forward.
    “I can’t do that,” I say, barely above a whisper, and his chest heaves with frustration. He forces me to look at him and then releases my hair. I wait for his anger, but there’s none. I lean into Jason and kiss him. It’s hunger and desperation and a thousand things other than good-bye. He lifts me and I wrap my legs around his waist, never letting my tongue leave his mouth. I could crush him with my need.
    “You can do anything, Annie.” The heavy night air flows across my breasts and Jason wills me to believe his words. “You forget how strong you are. You can do this…” I watch him, wanting to let go of everything that’s not him. I take one last look at the star-drenched sky.
    *  *  *
    I wake up sobbing. I can’t do anything.

~ 6 ~
Re-Fucking Connecting
    M argo leaves and I can barely breathe; a weight slowly crushes my chest. Her departure came before I fully realized she was here. When the three of us are together, it’s as